S363. No more emptiness, but pain


After the first real meeting we couldn’t let go of each other anymore. It was very intense in 2 days we went from a normal conversation to, we missed each other, had given me children instead of your husband. Where have you been all this time etc.

Everything was very intense. Our conversations went very deep very quickly. We both felt an incredible connection, although he did not want to admit despite the things he said. I had a relationship. He didn’t want me to give up everything. In the end we agreed to only talk about sex. The rest was too difficult. But the primordial urge to be together was there and did not go away.

In the end we agreed. Purely for sex, we thought. The first time I came in to him I immediately felt at home. It felt like I heard there. I was totally at ease. I just couldn’t look at him, it hurt. When I looked at him I was overwhelmed by feeling and emotion. The sex was overwhelming. We felt each other exactly, everything went smoothly. The worst thing was not being together. We both went from very happy to very depressed. Very intense because he was going to repel me. He wanted more.

My partner knows nothing …

We wanted each other very much. But I didn’t want to leave my relationship and he wanted certainty.

We charter because I approach him. He always responds but never starts the conversation. He is now in a relationship and happy. Every sentence he says to me makes me very happy. If we don’t speak, I’m depressed. The strange thing is that even though I’m actually very jealous, I don’t have that with his girlfriend. I wish him luck despite the pain. I love him.

My sense of emptiness is gone. I was looking for something and I found it. Only now am I in pain. Maybe I should not have found it ..