S330. Feelings swing in all directions


I have fought against this almost my entire life. Why does this have to happen to me? This is not the picture I had in mind. But I can’t stop it anymore.

When I saw it again I couldn’t believe it. The feeling came back to me. Especially when I look into his eyes I get so weak. And when I come back from work and I am home, my mind starts playing again: “Twinflames, that does not exist, that is a fable, that is a belief of people that I start to believe in.” those feelings. Fear, jealousy and especially butterflies.

Fear dominates me because I want to have control over the situation. Where is this going? But the attraction is so strong. This is not normal. It seems like I’m talking to him. He feels me and I feel him. Sometimes I feel his pain and sometimes lightning fireworks, so beautiful. So beautiful that I want to stay in this feeling forever. When I see him again, I not only get butterflies but sometimes also fear. Because I know he knows me, while there is no verbal communication in the workplace. Afraid because I have the feeling he can see right through me.

Feelings swing in all directions.

I don’t want to lose my husband with whom I am married. I love him so much and we can share so much with each other. Together we are sad and together we have fun. That makes it all very difficult.

I’m just like a kid in love and I hate that.