S327. It teaches me that my happiness does not depend on the love of him


I met him, or he actually met me, on a sunny day he spoke to me. We immediately chatted for hours, as if we had known each other for years. That feeling grew more and more. And pretty soon I told him about things I would not tell about myself. I don’t know if he felt that way, but he quickly felt at home in my house.

It came totally unexpected, because I was in a relationship with someone at the time, I was shaking on my legs, and my heart was shaking. While talking.
It was true that I had “seen” him in a kind of vision, in which he was writing. He does that a lot too!

We started out as friends who saw each other very regularly, eating together on the road, talking about everything, afterwards the physical also emerged, but after about a year that stopped; because he felt himself blocking.

I broke up with my friend at the time, I explained it, and he was very sad about it, and asked if I and my soulmate couldn’t just stay friends without the relationship going out, but I couldn’t combine the 2.

There were continuously all kinds of obstacles. First of all our exes, from which he was more difficult to release, on a physical level, and that remained a long time after, so that the trust left me. Also, both parents who died shortly after each other, which again caused confusion, because I did not know well, and neither did he, what role I now had in the family, living together what we have done, but where there is a huge amount came up, and it actually caused us to get away physically. Each a separate room. Emotional processing of traumas, sometimes resulting in anger, wanting to flee from each other, not wanting to see each other again, then seeing each other again after a few days or sometimes weeks.

I wanted a love affair, but he didn’t want it the way I wanted it. He thought it was good how we dealt with each other. Spiritually the bond strong, and grow together. But not as a couple, in 1 bed or so.
For me, that was a very difficult and painful period, because, for my healing and coming back to trust, I needed to be able to trust a man again and be together. So it was very difficult and difficult for me, because I really didn’t know what to do. We lived together, but not as a couple, and still exchange so much with each other.
and cannot live without each other. Both HSP people.

We no longer live together, it just didn’t work anymore, it was too intense,
and both needed more space for our separate process. I actually noticed that most of him. That is why we have decided to live separately, where he also helps me with everything he can help with, his wish is that I am happy, and nothing is lacking. It is now starting to get easier for me. If I have not been in one room with him for too long, then it is for me to see him as a soulmate, and not to long to lie and rest with him. So it’s better this way.

It has brought me to think more of myself, and see when I give my own self away, give too much, and dare not take up my space, even in the world where I have so much to do! It has taught me, and I still learn that every day now, to love remotely, even though it is sometimes difficult! It teaches me that my happiness does not depend on the love of him. And that is a big, big lesson! It has made both of us grow very quickly, and become aware of old patterns, and thoughts.

What is still very special for me, that is the moment we took a “nap together”, he had a small check mark, called polleke, and he took it very carefully in his hand. And we lay down on the couch together. I came to relax so terribly, that had not happened to me for years, and certainly not to a man! I got tears from it, cried softly, I was so happy! I will never forget that!
And no matter how crazy it sounds. But once we were on a trip, and it all didn’t go so smoothly between us. We had a fierce fight, and I got out of the car, and started walking. He was furious and, as I saw later, went to buy beer in a night shop, and drank a lot for his actions. Once together again in the car, and on the way to the vacation cottage, we stopped at a sacral place then he said, in English, “Even if you don’t want to live with me, I still love you”. Well, I almost fell over! He had never said that! That really stayed with me.
Arranging his dad’s funeral together, and asking me to write the funeral card. That was nice, although it sounds bizarre.
Singing songs together, even though I did not always like them, it still gave that deeper dimension.
The first time we went dancing together, we were the center of attention!
Doing “crazy”, acting foolish, playing the fool together.
Anyway … so much

Frankly, eroticism didn’t mean much, because there were different blockages between them. The attraction was there, the magnetic.
But, and we know that now, also because of past lives, and what we experienced then, and that has not yet been resolved, this part does not go between us, although I do feel it, from my heart and stomach.

The soul love feeling is for me: Heart, Heart and more Heart feelings, and then Belly. Confusing, confronting, challenging, and even when coming together without blockages, total peace and coming home together.
Absolutely coming home. By the way, I immediately had that feeling in the beginning.

The relationship has ended … well, did he quit? What is a relationship? If I had sex with another man, still … this feeling does not go away. I know that. It is deeper than the physical. The actual relationship has stopped because I chose not to live together anymore, this way.

I didn’t want to miss this, for no gold in the world. Despite all the pain, and it certainly was !!! I have never had so much sorrow in this life while I was with someone! Yet I would not have missed it.

My tips: Stay with yourself! Love yourself! Choose for yourself! That first and foremost. You cannot really enter into a relationship with your soul love if you cannot be there entirely for yourself. Impossible, then tug-and-shrug is so intense, and it often comes at the expense of your own process, and you don’t help the other person with it either.
Heal yourself … and then … heal each other.
Honest, sincere, open as a child, wise as an elder of days, spontaneous as the youth. wild as a storm.
Love each other.
Dare to love each other.
Dare to be vulnerable, to open your heart.
At all times.