S304. I don’t know why he invested in me and then disappeared again


I got to know my soul love 0 (at least I think, I don’t know for sure) through a former girlfriend at a football match.
Her father was the leader of the team in which he played and I was completely sold from the moment I saw him.
Only he was married and 13 years older than me.
I was about 17 years old and he was about 30 years old.
My girlfriend couldn’t resist telling him that I liked him.
He came to me later and said: “So, when are we getting married?”
I was very shy at the time so I became as red as a lobster.
But nothing else happened.
He always kept haunting my head.
I had a relationship but never felt the need to do anything with it because he was married anyway.
later I heard from my girlfriend’s father that he was about to get divorced.
A year later or something.
He turned out to be a cheat.
when my relationship broke down after 5 years, I came across R again, so to speak, and after we got something together.
I was 20
at the time. I met him at the football club when he came back from the toilet, kissed full on his mouth.
We had already started to make fun of it because he was looking at his cell phone.
Whether strange women had called.
I asked him if he should not put me in there.
he did that.
We had a very intense relationship and for me it felt like coming home.
Very strange.
He indicated that he experienced it as if we had been married for 10 years.

It was very intense and very intense.
But after 9 months he broke the relationship.
Just like that.
He turned out to have someone else and he was living with his sister at the time and afterwards there turned out to be several women.
He broke the relationship with the statement that it was no longer meaningful.
I was devastated.
We never argued at all.
I had indicated a few times that I thought I was more of a cheap whore for him because he just seemed to want sex and nothing else.
But he didn’t think so.
For 9 months I walked around as anesthetized and then I met my 3rd friend.
that relationship did not survive either because after 7 years that also broke down.
But again because R. continued to play a role in my life.
I never got over it and went on with someone else because I thought it had to be that way.
Relationships break and then you have to continue with someone else who comes your way.
but at one point I heard from neighbors where my ex and I lived next to him that R. regularly visited a friend of those neighbors.
She also lived in the same street where I lived.
And he lived together I heard with a woman he had traded in for me.
But that relationship turned out not to be.,
R. still had a relationship with another friend of that neighbor but was very interested in me.
He had dropped my names a few times and indicated that I had his ex ashes.
That’s how I heard later.
Very coincidentally I went to watch a dart game with friends because R. also played darts.
He happened to play in that team and that is how I got in touch with him again. This first led to a new relationship through friendship and I broke my other relationship.
That wasn’t much anymore either, but I was so fond of R. that I couldn’t resist.
That lasted 5 years and then it turned out to be lying together again.
He told me that this time it would be forever and “we won’t be 100 together, but we will be very happy,” he said.
He did everything for me and even paid for an education for me.
My relationship was broken and R. was talking about living together.
But he never came again.
I had given him my house keys, but he never showed up again.
In Christmas 2008 I sat in vain, as we had agreed, waiting for me to have 2 gourmet dishes.
He is a caretaker at a primary school and had 2 weeks of Christmas holidays.
But he had his cell phone off.
After 2 weeks he was at the door that he had been ill.
But it turned out that he and his girlfriend had just celebrated Christmas in the house of her then-deceased mother.
I had to ask my stepdaughter back via hyves to his stepdaughter and he turned out to have made up all sorts of stories about me stalking him and being disturbed to think that someday he would see something in me.
His stepdaughter said.
I had to let myself be admitted if I didn’t want him to see me.
Again I was devastated and every time I asked him for an explanation he did not hear anything anymore. I no longer have his telephone number and e-mail address.
I can only reach him at work and that has been an internship place too so they are not waiting for me there either.
I still hope for an explanation and a good conversation, but I cannot let him go.
It hurts so much because it’s so deep.

My partner did not understand and I could not keep a distance.
My ex said I didn’t want to see that R.n could not be trusted.

We have a lot of obstacles but maybe that is because of R. I don’t know.
He then lied and he has done it again.
He was no longer allowed to see his daughter if he continued to relate to me, so he told me after our 2nd resit to call it that.
I was too young at the time, he said, but his ex-wife is married to someone who is 20 years younger than said and, according to R.’s sister, would have no age problems.
I would never lose him again and he felt everything I felt.
but now I have lost him again and he wants contact, he says, but I never hear from him.

We both wanted a love affair but he quits every time.
But I recently saw him for a moment because he had agreed with me and the school where he works is close to the school where I did the TSO until recently and he works until 12 noon and just came by to say that it is not could go on and gave me a kiss on my cheek.
After that I did not see or hear him again.
But there is something in his eyes where I see love.
People say I’m crazy and I have to let him go.
That being destined would not be true and I could get better.
I don’t know if I can get better or earn.
He was good enough for me and my good relations were not great choices either.
But with R it is different.
I can’t figure it out how hard I try and I would forgive him everything if he is at the door …

We no longer have a relationship and there is no form of contact.
I have a very difficult time with this.
Can’t live without him.

He has completed my education and I will start as a student nurse in a general hospital at the end of August.
He was the first to say that I could do better than just do the household in home care.
I did it for our future and mine.
I don’t know why he invested in me and then disappeared again.

Everything was very special, every moment he was with me I enjoyed him and other people always think that I shine when I see him.
Nobody knows that it is because of him, but he has that effect on me.
I shine all day long.

The erotic passion was very intense, I have never felt this way with anyone.
I miss that very much and am unable to have sexual contact with anyone else.
I know what I’m missing and no one will get it.
I will be crazy….

The relationship has ended because he did not show up after I had confronted him with the fact that he still lives with his girlfriend and the things he told me about me.
He denies everything, but I will never see him again. * I keep waiting and hoping, but it is incredibly difficult.
I am almost 34 in a week and I see no future without him.
I lose friends because nobody understands.
I can’t talk to anyone about it and people think I am too long stuck in something that will never come true.
But my feeling says we belong together.
Or am I really crazy and am I living in a dream world?

I wait for him to never get rid of him.
No relationship will survive, I am afraid.