S299. She has taught me to follow my feelings and to put my ego aside


She has taught me to follow my feelings and to put my ego aside

It started as two strangers who had known each other somewhere in their childhood, but who knew nothing about each other. And both were single.
A revelation conversation of what went on inside me, just like her, and no strange looks, no reproaches, no comments, just being able to listen and answer. And you don’t feel bad about it. Actually free.

If I have to describe the last six months, he first felt like friendship – attraction – to give each other – do everything for the foolest – lack – desire – to feel if there was something with the other without even hearing anything have – getting rid of bad habits – jealousy – pressure from surroundings and friends – a path to the search for who I am and what I want – an inner feeling that sympathized with what went on in her without she also telling me what doubts and fears there are in her dealings – a feeling of coming home and not having to think about anything – …

It started as a friend with benefits, which after a few months meant that we were together every weekday. We expressed our feelings, listened to other people’s secrets, which were largely the same, admitted our ‘wrongly according to society’ actions, … We granted each other freedom, but after two days we fell back on each other. This went well, until her friend became aware of this, and tried in all sorts of ways to make us break up. She constantly had my soulmate questioned by putting the reaction of others in her head.
Feelings were stopped with her, and she got scared to see me again. And I didn’t give up on her. I took the step back and everything feels back like before, sometimes for a month, sometimes for a few weeks. The term couple could not be used with us. Open relationship sounds more correct while we did not go with someone else, but the idea of ​​freedom and future was still open, which is a hindrance to her.

We were both single …

Obstacles were: her best friend, who has been in love with her for years, must not have it for me. Her friends who do not know me personally, but have blacked me out and always warned her that I cannot be trusted, but could not say why. Her friends who told me that I was not allowed to shy away from her reaction sometimes, because they did not understand her, and should not hope to have a long-term relationship with her. And because of all this, it usually led to her being in doubt when we didn’t see each other for a week or more.
I don’t see an abortion of an ex-girlfriend of mine as an obstacle, but she also experienced it.
The difference in life path, I 27, servant, and since the last months consciously roof will have to start doing something with my life. She, 20, a student and fleeing who she is, with the idea of ​​taking care of later, now I want to party, make fun, and dwell on things as little as possible.
We have been together for 6 months in intimacy and love and feeling, and that is the longest she has ever experienced.

In the beginning we had no love relationship wish, there were agreements, but it soon became apparent that we were doing everything a couple does. We were a couple in her student city, just friends in her hometown.
I started to feel love, and it has continued to grow. But there has not really been a crush.
Sometimes she caught her feelings and behavior, and told me she didn’t see this as a viable relationship, let alone realizable. She had an excuse, girlfriend, friends, parents (everything that had to do with her home), everything that is her routine.

She fell in love with someone else in two days. I had sensed this from her behavior, but she didn’t dare say that to me. In a week, she went to the most public relationship ever, everyone must and will know. Contact with me was completely broken. And I was left with a heart full of love, a friend I couldn’t say anything about anymore, to have lost an emptiness of a piece of my strength. There have been reproaches, frustrations, …
A week later I went to visit her as a friend, asked what a friend would ask now that she is with someone else, and she could not answer much. tears fell from her eyes. a few days later I received the message that she sees a friendship coming true, but that she is afraid of losing me and her current friend.
Let us both do something alone, and it feels like it used to be, although I have to take the initiative myself. Place her in a group or in the presence of a friend of hers and she doesn’t know what to say to me.

I have learned to close open books from the past. Repressed happy memories alive in me. Constantly encountered myself, because in my eyes she is still a copy of how I was at the same age. She taught me to regret. Learning to stand up for myself and not to walk with the crowd. To find the love for myself and for someone else. Learn to follow my feelings and to put my ego aside.

The best moments were the moments together. We two just together. No worries, going to the sea with an empty head, cruising back in the car the music tingled our ears and she stroked her hand through my hair, brushing teeth together at the sink, while our eyes kept looking at each other the moment I thought of her, I also heard something from her, allowed to wake up next to her when I had to get up early to drive to work and she took my hand and pressed against her before I left, making love to her and hearing her say that I the first was to have given her an orgasm, to see a movie together where I missed the end due to tiredness and she gave me a kiss just before I dozed off, to dance together even though we didn’t do that often but were tempted to each other ,

Lust did play a factor. Sometimes yelling each other up all day to tear each other’s clothes off in the evening. There was pleasure with feeling, which resulted in many orgasms, simultaneous orgasms. See each other masturbate. oral, vaginal, anal sex. I suspect that almost the entire kamasutra has gone from easy to average positions.
Eye contact was made, and in between chatted, laughed, stopped when the other asked. There was sex where there was sense.

For me, the feeling of love for the soul is: to feel someone when there is, or even not there. a kind of twin feeling (but I cannot know what that is, because I am only a child myself)
being able to honestly exchange thoughts, test each other’s reactions and not be annoyed by it. I could say negative things about her, but they would not be fair, because I know that those attitudes are and were there for good. understand someone needs time for themselves to find themselves
seeing each other, and that first feeling that keeps flaring up.
especially now, not daring to touch each other, because she is with someone, but having trouble releasing each other when touched

She got into a relationship after meeting someone for a week and made this public for everyone. For me, waiving the lack of not being around her at any time is
the question whether this will always be the case. What if I step into a relationship, and she is back in front of me, or I will say no to myself what I fear.

I know what this love was / is, and I know what this love can do to me, but I don’t know if I will ever come across such a love again, I can search, and it will take time, but I’m afraid that i mss will fall back on this love.

My tip: Follow your feelings and live, no matter how crazy it sometimes makes you, crazy that you discover new things about yourself that you didn’t know you had.
Don’t give up, I thought I first came across this at the age of 17. Ten years later I have to laugh at myself, because this was / cannot be compared at all.

Time heals personal wounds.

Everyone can flee with his ego, but nobody can flee from his feelings.