S298. Knowledge about myself and letting go of someone else


I didn’t notice anything at all. I just went for a job interview. He stood there in front of me. Nice man, nice eyes. Then a conversation and a huge click on the work area. I thought when I saw him, you present yourself differently, there is another person in this body. I saw it immediately. In the conversation that role was briefly gone. After this conversation I was in the car and his energy stayed with me. I said, how long will you stay with me. Returned home to the order of the day.

Then I was hired. Not seen for a long time. You were too busy and would still talk to me. I thought that was fine, nobody needed anyway. Still it had to happen once because the function asked this of you. Then one night before the appointment you became ill for a long time. And I dreamed this. The following morning you announced that you had to reschedule the appointment. Did you already unknowingly resist our conversation because you knew it would cause a lot? But that didn’t require a phone call, you already showed it that night. I had never experienced this with a man.

We didn’t see each other again for weeks. There was a second necessary conversation. I sat there and sometimes you just looked at me. Entering into a business conversation sometimes was impossible because you sometimes heard nothing, could only look at me and then open the window. You said you got really hot (so much energy in a small room.) I think we feel so much warmth for each other. I hardly know you, but I know that I actually know you, but I am very much opposed to it, you do it too, so it is pretty good.

When I speak to you very briefly, I feel as happy as a little child, I just think it’s incredibly nice to be with you, but I don’t need to know it anywhere, you also resist it so it’s okay so. Everyone seems to see it too. Or do they just think that we belong together. At the few moments that I was sitting next to you it happened that we were drinking tea at exactly the same time in exactly the same way, while we are both not tea drinkers at all. You told me you will be a father again, I didn’t feel jealousy, I thought I felt that you didn’t actually support it and that I know it will be a boy. And that it doesn’t matter to us, and then I think which of us? don’t be so stupid!

We had a working relationship with few contact moments.

I didn’t name it after my partner, but he felt it, I couldn’t explain it to him. It is independent of the relationship with my current partner with whom I have a close relationship. My partner was afraid of losing me what is not going to happen.

An obstacle is that it does not fit and can fit into our world and that it is there, but it seems that we are both afraid of it.

I have never expressed the wish for a love affair and neither has he. A relationship of few words and contact, but if it is just for a while it feels intense, it is difficult to stay out of contact in those short contact moments. It is simply not possible while it is there. It is what it is.

What it has brought me is knowledge about my self and learning to let go of someone else.

The most special thing for me was the dream of being in contact without being physically present.
Soul love for me feels like something permanent, it’s just there.