S253. I have felt myself


We meet each other on a kind of study trip in the tropics, there was a huge connection in one look at each other’s eyes, this was mutual. It was an enormous primordial feeling, natural violence in my body, soul, my world was upside down, everything vibrated, enormous vibrations.

We had a few intense, passionate encounters in the outdoors.
I didn’t tell my partner anything.

The fear of surrender was an obstacle.

We did want a love affair, but we both had a partner and a settled, settled life, in the end I wanted to go for it, she did not dare, said painful goodbye a number of times, she chose her partner.

We have no contact with each other, although she often comes along in mind. This is not satisfactory for me, but was her choice and try to respect it.

What it has brought me is: I have felt myself, my desires and what I like.

The most special is the connectedness from scratch, the feeling of coming home.

Eroticism was like a force of nature, everything vibrated and shivered, and that only from its proximity.

The soul love feeling is totally fulfilling for me.

I miss her immensely, it ended because she did not dare to go for it, fear of surrender, too intense to continue, no certainty.