S251. Letter to you


Only last night did I feel how much I want you. A great desire arose from my 3rd chakra up my throat. A total desire: I want you with heart and soul and skin and hair. The feeling lasted for a long time. I suppressed it for years. It has influenced my entire life after you. Now I feel liberated. It seems as if the blockage in my throat chakra has been resolved. I am also sad that I did not know this before. Not so this way. Perhaps it explains why I just called it the other dimension (the dimension we are in contact with) and could not bring daily reality together. Would be nice if I can do that from now on.
I asked: what can I do for you? And then you said: write me a letter and put in what you feel about me. I’m doing it now. Because I do not dare to send the letter yet, I will place it here.
I don’t know where to start. I have those little drinks in my legs, as I often think of you lately. Sometimes I feel them in my arms or over my back. The day before yesterday in bed my back suddenly became very hot and I imagined that you were behind me and embraced me.
It has now been two months since you came back so violently into my life – into my emotional life and fantasy. The Sunday before January 27, the day an article appeared about you, and also exactly the day I googled you and discovered the article on the site: coincidence (I was overwhelmed by love when I saw your photo)? And is it a coincidence that a few days before, I think it was January 23, I just started thinking about you. Not a little bit but very strong.
I’ve had this once before, years ago, I don’t know what year. Then I had to think strongly about you for a few days before an article appeared about you. Is this my intuition or is it because you are thinking of me? If I am honest, I think the latter, but of course I don’t do it for sure.
The last two months have been a roller coaster. My development is going so fast now and that is because of you. (Thank you.) I always lacked ‘drive’, but not anymore. I know what to do. At the end of last year I decided to follow my heart. And then I found you there. I thought: just cry and then I can continue. But of course it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t like that 16 years ago and it isn’t like that now. You are in my heart and you will never leave.
I always knew that I love you. Which means; the thought came to my mind once. And it wasn’t actually a thought, because I didn’t think it consciously. It was a flash from the other dimension. A thought that takes no time, more a knowing. I stood in front of your desk. I don’t remember what we were talking about, but you said something about your gray hair and your eyes became so fragile and then the flash came: “I love him.” The way this came in was very unusual for me. The feeling itself, on the other hand, was very common. Maybe that’s why I didn’t pay much attention to it at that time. I also didn’t think about you that way (as a potential partner then). Which in itself is pretty crazy, because you are a very attractive man (and smart and sweet and funny).
How different it is now! In the week of the 27th, the strong sexual daydreams began about you. For over a week we have done it at least two or three times a day. So intense. I could hardly concentrate on my work and at home with my daughter and husband. My feeling tells me that you also dream about me. Sometimes I want to turn you off and then it won’t work. Then I tune in to you and I have that wonderful, irresistible feeling that I have to give in to even when sitting behind my desk or on the train and then I think: it is almost impossible that you now fantasize that you make me love. We also have continuous whole conversations, which always seem to be. Is it true that you can hear me? Unfortunately, I never know what brainwaves are and what I get and what happens to you. Sometimes I feel your mood.
I don’t know how to finish this story. It is not nearly finished yet. We’re in the middle of it. I hope in the end for a happy ending. I think we can achieve that if we both want it and have a lot of patience (but that is sometimes so difficult because I want to be with you now).