S250. What he teaches me


I have now met my soul love almost a year ago. In addition to my work, I follow a part-time law degree. He would teach the last course of the first year, but because he was not a permanent teacher, the first lecture was given by someone else. He was present for an introduction and so he sat on the other side of the room, but right in front of me. Without knowing each other, without exchanging a single word, we always looked at each other. Always a little longer. Our eyes were always drawn to each other.

I experienced the moments of eye contact as very special, because I immediately had a very familiar feeling about it. His appearance and whole appearance brought about a feeling of recognition. A week later he took over the lectures and he came with us for a cup of coffee during the break and so we started talking. He also studies himself. Music. Bam, my interest was immediately aroused, because music is also my greatest passion. The conversation that followed was one that was bursting with similarities between us. It was too bizarre for words how much we resemble each other in certain respects. So many equal passions, the same kind of environment in which we grew up. And we are of each other’s age.

To date it has just not come from a love affair. That is also impossible, given our teacher-student relationship. Beautiful things happened during the lectures since our first meeting. Stealthy looks when no one realized it, smiles and regularly said something the other person was thinking at the time. Once he said out loud what I thought and it was so hilarious that I had to apologize because I couldn’t hold back my laughter. It was a fairly harsh remark with regard to a fellow student. When I returned, we immediately looked at each other again and I quickly signaled that he should not do that for a while. But it was something magical.

At the time of our meeting I was single and I still am. I also suspect that my soul love is single, but I’m not entirely sure about that.

What most impedes us from entering into a relationship together is the fact that there was / was a teacher-student relationship. In addition, the special click between us and fellow students began to stand out. Smooth ice so. Nevertheless, after the last lecture, he asked me if I would come to see his performance a few weeks later. I have done that a few times now and despite the fact that there were many other people around us, we just met again with our eyes. We immediately noticed each other again.

But I don’t know if he wants a love affair, just like me. Despite the fact that I have not seen him since October 2010, I still think about him every day and I feel an enormous unconditional love for him. I often ‘feel’ him too, so I can say, for example, that he lives purely for music and keeps me (and other women?) At a distance. Somehow I am convinced that he is afraid of my strong feelings, because he is aware of that. Even though I have never literally declared him my love. I just know he’s aware of it.

At this moment he avoids me by not responding to my sporadic messages. When I see him again I don’t know, but I am certain that we will meet again. The music world is also not that big in the Netherlands, but apart from that my certainty about our reunion is based on a great ‘inner knowing.’ I know I have to stay in the background as long as necessary and if the circumstances and the moment are right, we will find each other again. That gives me a lot of peace.

He teaches me that it is now time to work hard on myself. In his personal development he is light years further than me. Only when we are on the same level of development can we be together. He has held up a mirror to me in a way that only he knows. It is he who inspired me to start singing again after 10 years and it is he who caused me to find God again after years of searching. For these things I am immensely grateful!

Our best moment was during the last lecture. While everyone was busy reading, I felt his eyes resting on me. I looked up carefully and found his gaze. We then silently had a very intense eye contact, of which I now get a lump in my throat. Nobody around us got anything from it.

The reason for the lump in my throat is that I know that I will never again feel for someone what I feel for this man. It is all-dominating, a sense of great recognition. It feels like coming home.

Maybe there will be other partners in our lives, but that will not be the same for me. Because I don’t know how long I have to wait for him, I have decided not to. The way that I have to go now is more than clear to me. I now have to work on myself and let him experience his music. Everyone must go their own way for now, but I fully trust that our paths intersect again. If everything is correct. Although that will only be in 20 years.

That’s why I often say to others who are worried about things like this: “It will happen when it’s right.”

A tip I want to give you is to be open to your own feelings and to stay very close. Be true to yourself regardless of what others say to you. Skepticism will always be there, because the majority of humanity will not understand these things. Know who you are talking about with these issues. Sometimes it’s better not to mention it. It does not matter that as many people as possible in your area know this, as long as YOU know and you feel comfortable with it!