S173. This goes far beyond a crush. It feels like he’s my other half


We know each other via the internet, we both played an online game, it clicked well right away, we soon started playing the game as a dual, and we found out that we often had the same thoughts at the same time and mailed to each other, had them texted We went a couple of times a week and that was always without our agreements at the same time often with almost the same text.
He also understood, but is not such a spiritual type.

No, the biggest problems, my marriage was and still is not good. He behaves very jealously and cannot understand

It was fantastic! and still …. it’s wonderful to have someone who knows exactly what goes on inside you and thinks the same.

Unfortunately so far only as buddies … … he is gay … … I am madly in love with him … … and sometimes I think it is mutual … … but he finds it scary … … is difficult for him because he has always thought gay to be. But we have contact with each other almost 18 hours a day via the internet, and we NEVER get away with it because we are each other’s dual, we also meet regularly but keep our partners away from it.

For me it is an obstacle that he is gay … .. I have nothing against it but would love to be his lover.
I would be happy with how things are now, but I would like more … every minute without him there is one too many.

For years I have not been able to laugh anymore, it was terribly through because of too much misery around me. The misery is not gone, but I can smile again and again and again I show me the sun side of life …

Like never before this goes far beyond a crush. It feels like he is my other half … together we are one

How do I deal with this … … and how can I keep it … … slowly get under it that it may never be a real relationship.