S167. Improve yourself, grow, growing pain. Work very hard, let go


I had a strong feeling that there was something; I didn’t know what. When I was with her I felt very happy and we had a lot of humor and fun. At a certain point I asked if she could test if we had been together for lives, because that felt like that. That turned out during the testing, at that time she had to squeeze it out, so it seemed. She didn’t have that idea herself. When I knew that I already got a bit more rest. I myself did not know what to do with it, I was in love with a woman, what was this? I thought about her as soon as I woke up and went to sleep thinking about her. Very intense. I did not know this in any way.
I experienced it as very intense, as a very bad crush, became depressed, wanted to cling to her, afraid of losing her, afraid that she would die and fall ill.
She became oppressed, avoided me and also had a very difficult time, which made it difficult for me and made me sad because she looked tired and bad. At some point we were released very carefully – by the therapist – I did not know this but felt it happen. I flooded her with emails, gifts and when I was with her I always had to hug her very much. In the meantime I came to the conclusion that this was not in love. Sometimes I looked at her and it was like looking through a very lit corridor. Everything around it fell away.

We were friends, she is my twinflame and have no sexual relationship. We are friends, people often think we are sisters. Occasionally difficult because it sometimes comes very close and is intense. Everything so recognizable. But I love her dearly. And I don’t have to prove myself anymore because it’s in her heart.
My partner sometimes reacted a little jealously and later when I told those heavy things and also indicated that this was a relationship we had already had a number of times, he understood that. Called our relationship a love affair.

There were obstacles; over-concern to her, she felt it justify me. It felt like I had to tidy up and fix up everything that was difficult for her.
She is very capable of that herself.
Know everything about each other without saying. Sometimes even beyond borders.
At a certain moment I thanked her for the wonderful time I had with her. That we would ever meet again.
To which she e-mailed that I had e-mailed a very heavy piece and that we would certainly meet each other, but in a different way. Better, and apart from each other. Release each other. That I can laugh about it later. That took a long time before I could see any humor in it, because it caused me great sorrow.

What it has brought me is a piece of spiritual awakening and I now know that I am really strong and that we can never be apart. Somehow we always stay connected. Even though it is not going well. That we have had our problems and will have it sometimes because it is very close / intense. But that we will always support and sustain each other. That a relationship that is so intense will never really break up because we first had to be over half a century before we met again.

It is special; Had to undergo something difficult. She said she was there for me. Encountered her name – which is rare – 4 times in half a day, either that people introduced themselves
or that a man had his wife’s name or had to call someone by that name. Angels had been busy bringing these people of the same name together. Very special.

We are twinflames. In my opinion, eroticism does not occur often, but it does happen to soul lovers.

She is one of the most important people in my life, my life has changed completely, we have roamed through the Netherlands, both have encountered many of the same difficulties, experienced many of the same things, have been pregnant together and the children only care for a few days, I thought that I died during labor and she almost died. Spiritually always busy and you will find each other after more than 50 years. Then you recognize someone like that. That is special. I myself had the strong feeling that I had to take care of her, bring pleasure.
That over feeling is now gone. But I would immediately drop everything to assist her in anything.

If you have an experience like this, you will be overwhelmed and it will be difficult to stay afloat.
Think of it as a gift from the cosmos.
It is to learn and look in the mirror. Improve yourself, grow, growing pain. Work very hard, let go. 
Lots of crying.
It is more than worth the sadness, you have grown again.
If you are a Reiki practitioner, give yourself that often.

My tip: keep talking.
Explain what is going on.
For example, read the book “I need you, is that true?”, Kate Byron. Search the internet.
Seek help if it hurts too much with an integral therapist.