S158. What it has brought me is the realization that love exists


Encountered .. immediate big click. Love relationship started. Encountered dependence . Relationship ended, nothing heard from each other. Last year, 10 years later, emailed, texted and met again. After 10 years the meeting lasted from lunch time to the last drink and we talked a lot. There was immediately a deep contact, mutual respect and the feeling that it was good. But both in a different relationship, so finally back home with a strange feeling.
Again broken contact. But the desire remains to meet and talk.
Many things run parallel in our lives … and we have experienced many things the same. Hard lessons, the same themes. We understand each other without many words.
The loss is great, but we both also know it doesn’t work together.

I experienced it as an enormous force that came to me . People around me thought I was shining in that period. I could move mountains. Felt understood and had energy for 1000.
But always had the feeling, I want to talk to him, be with him, even though we do nothing .. it’s good.
This was also a clear moment for me to see, my life must be different , this cannot go on. I have to make decisions, but I have to do this myself. Even though I would have preferred to have done that together, I felt somewhere that it was not possible.

In the end my relationship broke down. He knew about the meeting, it always bothered him, while nothing physically happened. My ex-partner still thinks that there was a lot more going on.
First had a love affair, then a single meeting and a lot of mail contact. But he understands me without knowing things, often before I explain it. The reverse is also true.

An obstacle was too dependent on my side . Flight behavior on his side. Experiencing too intense feelings, but also not wanting to miss it. Very intense feelings that were (are) very deep, but could not give it a place.

We immediately had a love relationship wish … but it turned out to be all too intense. The timing was not good, we were both still very young. And now we both sat / sat with a different relationship.

We have mail contact, but it is not satisfactory for me. I can’t let him go. I do not dare to start well about those feelings because then I turn everything upside down and I do not want to lose contact.

What it has brought me is the realization that love exists, that there are people who understand you without words. Nobody takes away a feeling from these experiences. I have had this in any case. A realization that it is a mirror in many respects and that we can learn a lot from each other.
It is difficult to actually look into that mirror, but I can get it from him and I do something with it. That love can hurt too. But that sometimes you have to let go in order to keep it. That there is no time to play with it, after so many years it was immediately ok again. That you don’t have to see each other physically to have contact, even in dreams I meet him.

The most special was the time that we have been together was very intense, and we lived the way you would live your last day. Very intense, experiencing all emotions and taking the good things of life. Being able to stay in the moment.

Eroticism was very different. It wasn’t just about eroticism. It was again more intense, more loving, calmer, more emotional.

It was a feeling I had with no one else. Not even with people I love so much, as family and friends (while they are very dear to me) I can’t explain the feeling either, people do feel that it is special when I try to explain it. The feeling does not go away either. It remains with me, the desire remains to force another meeting, but my mind says: no.

I no longer have a relationship with him for a long time. But he is in my heart and I have the feeling that I will keep meeting him all my life.
I find it very difficult that there is no love relationship anymore, would like such contact with others, but that is simply not there. I experience it as a major loss.

Actually I am looking for soul love again, that is what I always do unconsciously. Search for that kind of love. Other, later, relationships were ok, but could not match that time with him. Even though I have had many longer relationships than I had with him.

I don’t know if there are people who recognize this. How do you deal with that lack? And do you ultimately have to accept that you have to miss that feeling?

My tip is; enjoy the moment when you’re in the middle of it. Because this love has a lot to teach you and may / may not last forever. When your lesson is learned, you lose each other again, until the next learning moment. So enjoy what you have together. Some people never experience it in their lives