S138. I get to know myself … I learn to open up … and I learn what love is


I discovered my soul love on the internet … At first we were just e-mailing back and forth, due to circumstances he could not be online for a while … I liked him … and he also me … but via internet … more and could it never be, he was not looking, I was not looking, and it was nice to stay single … Until the moment he was not online for a few weeks … then my feeling continued to grow … he popped up in my mind … Even when I was busy with completely different things … and in our dreams we were together … I had no reason for that … right away the feeling, it will be alright .. he loves me as much as I love him … We could finally be ourselves!He experienced it that way! Although both were not yet completely clear that it was love of the soul … but that it simply clicked unwise, and we felt comfortable together … After a while I knew for sure .. and had him also read a piece of text, which he too knew for sure!
And after a conversation with a psychic who exactly dropped our thoughts, feelings and thoughts and the word “soulmate”, that was a confirmation for something we both already knew / knew!

We are both not yet at that stage that we are in relationship .. I experience soul love as is beautiful .. but at the same time SOOO incredibly difficult! I feel what he feels … and vice versa, and because we have only known each other for such a short time, and both still have to process and learn what is necessary … it is still a matter of exploring which feelings / pain / fear / sorrow belong to me, and which belong to him ! And whatever happens, between us and with us … I often just can’t find the words!

At the moment our relationship is still platonic … but I feel very strong … that when we are both ready, we have had our lessons alone, we have had our pains and sorrows, and we have fears about winning … that we can continue to learn together, and each other to heal! And that we will certainly come together in a relationship … when the time comes!

Obstacles are: fear, sadness, pain, difficulties, knowing, but that the mind doesn’t keep up … pulling it together like that .. but then one of the two “runs away” again (but luckily every time we can both come back!) and the hard repulsion of each other …. also confrontations with ourselves .. and touching each other, deep in the hard .. which is sometimes very intense!

I want a love affair with him, but I know I’m not ready yet … and that I still have to work on myself … he is also not ready yet … He does not yet see that it can work out well … but that it needs time … he has difficulty releasing his feelings … takes his rational side sometimes it is over, and then it is (for me) very hard … So I let him go, as far as I can … and I know, and trust in that … that when the time comes … we can be together … and realize very well … that that could also be a matter of years!

Currently it’s just a matter of friendship … at least … in the rational part!
In our being … we are together … for now and forever … and we realize that … for me that is less satisfying than for him … because he is not ready for a relationship yet!
But our souls are fused … how satisfying do you want it to be ?! (but yes .. that mind …. wants more and more)

Soul love, still brings me a lot !! And what is the use of it? I get to know myself .. I learn to open up … and I learn what love is! I suddenly experience things that I didn’t know I had in me … I feel people better … I feel what people feel … The most special thing so far is that the day he was back online … and we expressed our feelings could come across each other … and there was a realization that we had found each other because we are twinflames!

How I would describe my soul-loving feeling … very difficult … I will use “catchwords” …; intense, emotional, happiness !, unconditional love, being one, sharing pain, goodbye loneliness (in the self … mind thinks differently), … … I just can’t find the words that describe exactly what I feel!

I find it very difficult to release him …. But at the same time I learn my lesson from that … I want to take over his grief … resolve his pain, and put his fear aside … but at the same time I realize I can’t do that for him … but that these are things that I still have to solve for my own, and so I go to work on that … on the way to our happiness together …. but then physically together! My patience is being put to the test!

My tip: follow your feelings, as far as possible, and try to enjoy it, because I think it is really special that I can experience this… and do not try to explain it to people who do not feel this, because there is no begin!