S131. Because of my deep sense of love I have chosen for myself


2 years ago I saw him walking. I looked at him and thought: that’s him, but he didn’t look at me. A year and a half later I met him at a party. He always looked my way and not much later he came to talk. We all felt an attraction. After that evening there has not been a moment that I have not thought of him. I couldn’t get him out of my head. After 3 weeks I was shocked and thought; am in love with him. Dream about him, see him as if he is burned on my retina. After 7 months I visited him, because he told me where he was on Wednesday, I found him. That meeting was very emotional. We had a long conversation, and my suspicions that I had all those months that it was mutual is correct. He even said the same as what I had said to a friend, namely that I was looking for him and could not find him and I only had 1 hope and that was that week of play. So when he said that, my mouth really fell open in surprise. That he felt and thought and hoped the same. aIf we looked each other in the eye, he said, I am on fire. I feel that when I think of him.

From the first meeting and we looked at each other, he has not been out of my mind anymore. I constantly think of him. Long for him. Want to see him. When I say his name in my head, I feel a warmth rushing around my heart. If I just think that I am going to see him, my heart starts to vibrate and my whole body vibrates. If I think he is thinking of me, and he is, then I am really on fire. Then it is as if my whole body is tingling, but on the inside.

The first few days we sent text messages back and forth. They quickly became very loving. That I thought: well, that has got it right too. And intuitively I already knew that. But after a few days t became less. And they were no longer loving, but friendly. A week later we were on the phone. He said it was very difficult for him to think about me all the time. That I’m in his head. That he thinks we are soulmates. Because there is something between us. That he felt that very first time too. That he is on fire when he thinks of me. But that he wants to be honest. He has a girlfriend and told her there is another. Who is in love with m. But I do not know if he also told what he feels. There are also children in that relationship. And he thinks he should go for that. Even though he is not happy, it is not a loving relationship. He still said that he did not know me, but would like to get to know me.

When we got to know each other we were both in a relationship in which we are both not happy. My relationship has not represented anything for 3 years. And I had long been busy trying to end the relationship. We have 2 children and you still wonder if it is better for them to stay together but there was nothing between us, and 3 months later, after I met him, I chose to separate.

I think he keeps a distance because he is afraid of that feeling. That his feeling becomes stronger for me. I think that if he followed his feelings, we would certainly have a love affair. But because they have just bought one house, have 2 children, and actually have nice things for each other. Even though there is little love and the relationship does not go the way he wants. He thinks he should go for that. Like he said himself.

He makes absolutely nothing of himself. I called him a few more times, but he does not answer. Not even if I call another number. I also sent a few text messages, but I don’t get a response to that either. And it’s only recently. I wonder if he will ever contact me again.

Because of my deep feeling of love because that is really very intense and very deep, I have chosen for myself. I already knew that I was not happy in this relationship. That for years it was more a brother / sister relationship. But through the feeling that my soul love has unleashed, I knew that it would never be okay again. And I also thought I was entitled to more.

Unfortunately it didn’t last that long. But the best thing for me was that he thought and felt the same as me. The soul love feeling was very intense. You just feel a very deep sense of love. You can only think of him. I have walked with my head in the clouds for months. Every time I think of him it gets warm inside. Sometimes it feels like lightning. Then I think, now he thinks of me. No idea if that is the case. But that’s how it feels.

He just didn’t show anything anymore. I want to visit him and ask for an explanation. but I don’t want to force myself, don’t stalk him. If he has chosen not to want contact anymore, I have to respect that. No matter how difficult I find that, because I have the feeling that every day I don’t hear from him, it feels like a piece is going to die. One moment I am excited and I think: this must be so, it cannot be otherwise. The next moment I cry tears with spouts. I also wonder why. I miss him as much as I love him. When I think I’ll never see him again, I feel like I’m being torn in two. And this may sound silly, but it really hurts. As if my chest is being pulled apart.

I don’t know if I’m looking for soul love again. If you fall in love, you won’t stop it. I do think it could take a long time before I fall in love again. I am sure that as long as he stays in it there is no room for someone else.

And I also think that you do not often experience something like this. Every crush is different and unique, but it will never be as intense as with your soul love, I think. If you look for that, you might deprive yourself of the opportunity to meet the true. Because you think you’ve already met him. But if 1 of 2 has decided not to do anything with it, the other half is powerless. and that is exactly what I am feeling now.

I didn’t think I’d find anything about my special love and look … A site where you can read that you’re not crazy (because sometimes I doubt that), that many people experience the same thing