S058. My soul love has brought me various insights into myself


I met her 25 years, 23 years on an adult education in healthcare. Due to a reassignment she was placed in my class. From the moment she walked in, I experienced a feeling of recognition, very similar to falling in love. I felt drawn to her at a deeper level. I ended up with her and a fellow student in a tapas bar in Utrecht, the fellow student really turned out to be the fifth wheel, my soul love and I had a bizarre conversation in which we said the same thing several times at the same time.

The feeling that I had, that sense of recognition I had experienced only once before. However, I was under the assumption that I was quite naive at the time and I fell in love with it. Various ‘normal’ love relationships furthermore, I thought I would never experience anything like that again and that it was part of your development. Apart from the fact that she and I followed the same education, had the same interests and views, she and I also experienced a spiritual union. We both work in healthcare, and we both use our intuition to help our clients. Something that is difficult to explain to most people, let alone your colleagues. With me a huge cocktail of recognition, yet also in love, and desire arose. I have experienced it quite intensely.

She and I were fairly honest to each other, we told each other almost everything, from feelings to experiences, how we looked at each other. The kind of relationship that we had cannot really be defined.
She and I both believed that we had to sort things out together on a karmic level and dealt with that fairly consciously. In addition, I learned a lot from her with her as a mirror image. Often that was very nice, but sometimes quite confronting. The kind of relationship that she and I had for a moment was with an enormous depth and fierceness, one in which all the gunpowder in a grand fireworks spectacle popped in one go.The sense of recognition was too great for me, I lost myself in her, and projected myself on her. Despite all my good intentions, I became addicted to her. As soon as I realized that, our nameless relationship was over.

We attended school together, in a course where you are confronted with yourself anyway, and we were also too enthusiastic, after half a class in my flat had started a spontaneous party, the limits of our friendship were crossed. Which unfortunately led to confusion.
She did not want a love relationship, she is a true archer, freebooter. I didn’t either initially, but the nature of the beast (lobster) home garden and kitchen animal nevertheless turned up. All this has happened, despite all the honesty towards each other unfortunately it led to confusion and to a more businesslike relationship with each other. She and I now have a more business relationship with each other. We are in school together, we have to do assignments together and we can still go through a door together. But outside of school there is no longer any contact.

My soul love has brought me various insights into myself, I feel that I have become a lot wiser, not so much in intellect, but more in my emotional life and in spiritual insights. She absolutely inspired me. I look back with positive feelings. I thought the most beautiful and special thing was that during the only night we were not allowed to do anything and we could just hug each other with great force and look into our eyes. That has been one of my most spiritual and erotic experiences to date. Really fantastic.
The eroticism I experienced with her (despite the fact that we, flat to say, just didn’t go ‘all the way’) was particularly profound, because there was so much feeling involved,feeling that cannot be described, it can only be experienced, and you know that you experience it the moment you experience it. Sounds vague, but those who have experienced something like this will recognize this.
I would describe my soul love feeling as a feeling of recognition, desire, falling in love. A great cocktail of this, and you have the feeling that you have entered a roller coaster.

Now she and I only interact with each other for business. I have peace with that. I am fine with her and I wish her the best. I also know it is the other way around. The only thing that bothers me is that now that I know that this exists, I will not settle for an ‘ordinary’ love affair. I would rather choose to just grow old with a lot of friends than to go somewhere that I don’t fully support. Since our relationship had no name, it didn’t end, it just went like that. I seek more than I would like to admit such a love again, but I know that just as I let it go, such love will come my way again. I sometimes experience that as frustrating. Fortunately, I have a positive attitude in life and enjoy myself, but this keeps me busy, it is an indescribable desire, a desire that I am looking for a way to deal with. Because I know that when I come across a soul love again and walk too fast, I do not do justice to myself and my feelings.
Soul love is cool, but it is my rational and emotional conviction that you have to deal with it consciously, you can learn a lot, just be aware that it is not always pleasant. Enjoy, but be aware