S035. It has brought me a total awareness of life and how I do and do not want to live


I am not sure if he is my soul love, but I do know that I cannot let go and I believe it is mutual. We know each other through work. I was married, but in love. So maybe it’s just a normal crush. So my husband couldn’t handle it either.
I experienced it as very intense and it made me aware of the fact that I was in a situation that I no longer wanted.
I feel an unspoken intense bond. I have experienced marriage as a major obstacle.
We both wanted a love affair with each other because it just felt really good but it was repulsive and attractive. Searching each other and then no contact for a while. I want more, but he is still bound.
It has brought me a total awareness of life and how I do and do not want to live.
What I find most special is the intense joy with which we can approach each other when we see each other again. In my eyes there is a lot of love, but I still doubt how he sees it. But I think he has the same thing. It feels like unconditional love.
The relationship is more or less developing, but I don’t know which way it will go. I can’t really gauge his feelings and sometimes he gives very contradictory signals.
I have the feeling that we will always be connected and that I will never be able to let him go. I don’t know if it’s just love or if it’s more, but at least he totally changed my life.

My tip is; follow your feelings and do not listen to all well-intended advice.