Q1401. Phantom pain after spiritual awakening only gets worse, how is this possible?


I have had a relationship with my twinflame for 1.5 years. This is now 1.5 years left. I have come a long way. I lived a life of a super ego. In the relationship my twinflame has mirrored me on my “super ego peak”. It was an intense and intense relationship, but with a profound love for each other. Because of a somewhat unfortunate situation that has arisen, he finally broke up. I was kappot, it was as if a piece had been cut out of my heart and had been pulled out like this. From that day I started self-development. I agreed to deal with old traumas. This has resulted in me filling up my own voids. I no longer wanted to do this with external factors. Slowly I became 1 with myself. This time was intense. My twinflame and I wanted to get back together, but both could not. We were both not ready for it. It was attracting and repelling. And although this was very intense, my twinflame then also indicated that he feels me too. The last disposal was 3 months ago. I did not see or speak to him afterwards. Now that I have left behind all the shit from the past and I have become 1 with myself, my second process starts. I am now developing myself spiritually. I am in contact with my deepest core and I am looking for how I can best use that deepest core here on earth. This is a beautiful and loving process, especially with a lot of love for yourself. The more I focus on my deepest core (for example in church or through meditation), the more I feel my twinflame. Despite the last divestment, that connection is completely back. I feel a special pain above my navel always and everywhere. It is not a pain in my body but it is a pain just above my skin. As if it is being pulled. The more I develop myself spiritually, the stronger the pain of suffering becomes. Sometimes I can hardly take it anymore, but I can’t get rid of it. It is always present everywhere. What does this mean? I always thought that the more you develop yourself personally, the less that attraction to your twinflame becomes. It seems that the closer I get to myself, the stronger that connection / suffering / love becomes. Does anybody have experience with this? And what does life want me to see with this? I tried to contact him because I have a strong need to talk to him about this. But I can’t get him. I’m pretty good for advice.