Already 18 years later and without realizing it or searching with purpose, I met him again at work a few months ago.
I looked into his eyes and he into mine. That attraction through the eyes made me blind. “What was it about?” I wondered “so
hypnotic.” Every time he looked at me it made me melt. I just didn’t dare look at him anymore, because then I
actually lost all control over myself.
In my system
Because I worked in multiple locations, I didn’t see him every week.
In the meantime that I did not see him, I did not know what was wrong with me. But I kept thinking about him. During work,
during daily duties. Always those eyes and their shape in my mind. He was just in my system.
I could no longer ban him from my thoughts. Butterflies in my stomach.
I even dreamed that he kissed me and held me tight. I could not control this feeling. And this was certainly not the intention,
because I love the man I am married to very much. I didn’t want to let this marriage go to hell because of
About once a week I met him again at work. I was able to socialize with all my colleagues. I ignored him. It felt
rude. But when I looked at him, my legs were shaking, sweating, clapping, palpitations, melting, becoming insecure. And that look
was dazzling as if bright light was shining on my face. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn’t dare, because he made me so shy
. Where had I seen it before. Was it at a party or during an interview?
Several times. That was very nice.
With every love song I melted away and thought of him. The butterflies flew in all directions. Texts triggered me. More and more and more
overwhelmed the crush as sweet kisses.
Because of all those feelings the attention went less and less to my partner.
The feelings of love I felt for the man was like cheating.
I didn’t dare tell my own husband about this either, because I didn’t want to be laughed at, declared crazy or angry at me.
Maybe this could make me lose my husband. I absolutely did not want to lose that, because we have so many great things
ahead. We talk about everything. Only this is my secret. A bad secret.
Because I was busy with my secret love for 24 hours, I started to hate the feeling. I started to hate him because these feelings had to do with him.
At the same time fear, fear of the great bogeyman and – strange – fear of losing him. Jealous, jealous of ladies who get along well with him
. And jealous of his gifts. Slept badly, ate badly, so much and smoked a lot. I couldn’t give the feeling a place that resulted in a
Because of the feeling of love I have learned to analyze myself better and ‘to feel’ what has been gone for a long time has come back.
And now. It’s getting better again. I haven’t seen and talked to him for a long time. Now sit in calm water. Live from moment to moment. From
day to day.
And then I ask myself: “Was this Puppy love or love of a twinflame.” If I read the stories here, then it is quite consistent with my feelings. Does he feel this way? Is he as shy as I am? I can only find out by talking to him, I know that. But
yes, I don’t want to go off. Back in my comfort zone. What was the purpose of these meetings? Old love doesn’t rust, is it? And yes, I miss him!