From the first moment I knew it was her. I could not yet answer what it is there, but she is IT. After we talked to each other at our first meeting, but didn’t exchange phone numbers or the like, a few weeks later I bumped into her again. Then we exchanged a few things. From that moment on I was overloaded with an urge to constantly be with her, talk to her and think of her. And very quickly it happened more and more often that we think, want to do, notice, and a glance or touch could be enough to know what the other person wants to say without using words. Without knowing it at first moment. , she has a partner or an “earthly love” with which she shares a little one with. This did not matter to me at the time, because I was not looking for “love” at that moment. Catching her thoughts without knowing what is going on often happened. And this often happened when it was the other way around. We didn’t see each other often but at some point from early in the morning, we could talk to each other well into the night and then this for days on end, about anything and everything. It never got bored. Unlike her, I am alone and we were not even 2 months away and that felt like a lifetime! That is how deeply she had rooted in me. However, she could not handle the guilt feelings she felt towards her partner. I fully respect this and have always more or less pushed her (at my expense) back to her partner because they are nothing, together for nothing? I would rather see her satisfied and serene than unhappy, confused and restless. This is what she has when we have contact, I seem to give her that feeling. My soul love or twinflame, then decided together to insert a kind of break to find out what it is that she feels for me, what she feels here want to come along. I asked her to ask me to wait for me, because otherwise I would not do this. When I look back on this, I may have done it more out of my own protection. Not to lose her, because I did what she said, I did what I want what the rest of the world and my “head” / “uncertainty” would say to me. And so it is. Where my environment did not understand me at all and when I am talking about her, he tells me to let her go, I run faster and faster in her direction. This all happened in a period of almost a year and we are half silent now. Sometimes I miss her so much that I make contact. And get a message back but never go into this further. I would wait and give her time without being present in her life.
Until a few days ago. I really couldn’t take it anymore, when on a very good day that I came through, without thinking of her, I just turned up again. Not physically, but the thoughts about her at that moment hurt me so much that I told her in an impulsive mood that I can’t wait any longer because this has been going on for so long. And the pain and loss is so great. But the day after, I took back everything I named her at that moment. That day itself also took a long time before I got a response back. And I was completely back to scratch, as if I had scratched open old wounds. I fell back into that 40 meter deep hole and did not have that stuff with me to climb out. At that moment I went under. Then I realized that I cannot do without her and that I could never do that. Whereupon we have decided to talk to each other. This is on the schedule, and will happen soon. I don’t know what to expect and what to expect. She herself stated that she knows she is asking a lot from me to wait for her. But I certainly asked her this myself. The thoughts that I have to do without her in this life make me die inside. I would rather wait for her all my life.
I sometimes get crazy about myself and don’t know what to do with myself, so I clearly need help. Now, today, I came across this website. And it helps a little to read that I am not the only one with this actual unbearable pain. I don’t know what to do anymore, wait? Or should I let go. I’m afraid if I let her go, I’ll let myself go. All I want is to go back home with her.
I am so sorry for you. I know about the pain you describe. The good thing is that you came across this site. Now the lessons can start. Now you can start growing. Immerse yourself in it. Use it as a hold. The pain continues. But you enter a nice (sometimes painful) process, if you allow it and you want to do a lot for it. You become more complete. The love for her will remain, the pain will continue but will be lessened by a love that you will fill up inside; love for yourself. It may sound vague and difficult right now, but once you get there, you start to recognize it and perhaps think back to these words. Immerse yourself in your own spiritual development and you become a happier, more complete person. And what comes next comes then. Get well soon! Believe in yourself and continue to have faith.
@ Reply 1 I thought I had finished learning before I got to know her. As U2 once sang “There is nothing you can throw at me, that I have not already heard.” But not so. When I compare my wisdom with hers, she has taught me a lot. How I can be, or actually the person I am but that person had tucked away long ago and didn’t even know it existed. Now I want to go back to that pure real sincere me. I want to be the best she brought to me. Why does someone undress you emotionally from head to toe, and then leave and leave me there in the freezing cold? But like an onion with layers, I automatically rebuild it and fall back into someone who, socially desirable, always plays the right role. But you’re right, I knew that before I sent in the very long story as a question here; “My lessons can start”, I now have that realization, but those lessons that started about a year ago. Now I still have to convert them as I can best handle them myself. A week ago I was terrified of having to live without her, but she will never leave me again, and now it doesn’t feel like this probably should be but I know that if I do what I have to do and I fully accept it better would come true than ever. So it doesn’t sound that vague and difficult, it feels rather scary and I am now very impatient to continue. So thank you! Now I still have to convert them as I can best handle them myself. A week ago I was terrified of having to live without her, but she will never leave me again, and now it doesn’t feel like this probably should be but I know that if I do what I have to do and I fully accept it better would come true than ever. So it doesn’t sound that vague and difficult, it feels rather scary and I am now very impatient to continue. So thank you! Now I still have to convert them as I can best handle them myself. A week ago I was terrified of having to live without her, but she will never leave me again, and now it doesn’t feel like this probably should be but I know that if I do what I have to do and I fully accept it better would come true than ever. So it doesn’t sound that vague and difficult, it feels rather scary and I am now very impatient to continue. So thank you! it feels rather scary and I am now very impatient to continue. So thank you! it feels rather scary and I am now very impatient to continue. So thank you!Oh, there is still a conversation planned, this is going to happen face to face. I would really like to see her again, but I don’t know if I’m doing it right. What is your advice about this? (Unknown)
It will be all right with time I have gone through the whole process and have had those unbearable emotions. It is not easy but you get a lot of wisdom and happiness in return.
Well, I have had so many conversations … Already over a year and a half, 7 months in a relationship. I also don’t really get loose, also because he is holding me. He does not want or cannot surrender to me, but he cannot let go of me either. Every time I release it, it reappears. But every time I can handle it better. I stopped talking. It seems to be of no use. I would like him to let me go, then I can continue. But to ask him to let me go, I can’t do that yet. That feels way too scary and definitive. I am grateful to him, because I learned a lot from him, I really grew through him. But why doesn’t he let me go now? I love him terribly, but he makes it so difficult for me. Maybe someday I can ask him to let go. That would be really strong of mine .. So advice about a conversation? Just keep following your feelings and don’t want more than you can handle. Try to take small steps. I think you’re doing really well! Good luck!
Dear questioner, it is very recognizable what you write there. It is a roller causter that you are in or, to say the least, holocaust, right? I would like to answer your question about whether you should talk to her “face to face”. From that I understand that that has not happened yet. Is there a reason for that? My advice is to definitely talk to each other openly because that would create a lot of clarity, openness and with that a lot of peace. Goodluck.
It has been over a month since we last talked (face to face) and said goodbye to each other. I have to say that sometimes there are days that I go through whistling, also have fewer physical pain complaints (no longer waking up with pain in my neck and shoulders), but I am still very passive and waiting with some things. Does anyone recognize this? Wanting it but not being physically able to bear it. Purely because your head makes over hours, and the body adjusts to it. Sometimes there are nights when I only sleep for 1 or 2 hours at most because I just can’t sleep. And sometimes I don’t even think about her but just lie awake for nothing. Now I only have to pass her by in a split second and my whole day is turned upside down, then everything revolves around her again. Everything i do everything I say, everything I feel, I can link everything to her. I catch myself on it. And it’s very annoying! This week was very bad, I dreamed she was pregnant. Which of course could be really beautiful. But the feeling in my dream was so intense, so real, it hurt so much. I woke up as a big chunk of sorrow and misery, when I thought that I was doing better, I was completely back. The dream also made me very irritable that day, I react skin and bumb and even a bit aggressive. I didn’t want to think about my dream, but my feeling always brought me there. With another thousand and one questions and no answers for myself. And what if she is really pregnant? Would she have dreamed about me too? This should not affect me like that? Would she send me a message when it really is? Can she actually get pregnant, since there were some problems with her first pregnancy? Did I mean nothing to her that she is just pregnant now? How well do I know her? Is she pregnant? Is this pure jealousy? Months before I thought she would be pregnant, maybe it is NOW that way ?! And so on and so forth. And one moment I say answer B and another moment I say answer A. It is so double. Pfff !! Very tiring if this keeps grinding in your head all day long. Sitting alone at home didn’t work that day, even though I wanted to be alone all day. The walls literally approached me. But once in company I was absent and not at all in the here and now. Now a few days later, I can evoke that feeling of a few days ago, but luckily I can now get rid of it. But it is and remains so terribly annoying that I just can’t continue. I just want my life back! Before I met her, everything was just normal, and sometimes someone broke my heart, but that was just falling and getting up again. Now it seems like it has been broken into millions of pieces and it seems impossible to have little glue in the world to make it a whole again. So I’m still a bit confused, searching, grieving. Even though I think almost no one would read this. Typing this off of me works pretty well. I feel lighter and should do the same for today. Hope to have a nice day then! Greeting.
Hi Questioner. I really recognize myself in your story and experience the same. Can we come into contact in a certain way? Maybe we can email each other about our experience if you would also need it? love