Q0994. An illusion?


Last Tuesday I saw the light after seeing my soulmate. At least for my own life. I have discovered that Tiny Kanters is right when he writes that soul love is mainly about an invitation to become yourself again. He is also right when he writes that it is often NOT about romantic love. What exactly happened I don’t even remember anymore, but suddenly I realized that I had lived in a fantasy world for a long time that in no way touches reality. Suddenly I see that the man in my head is very different from the real man. That the real man is not at all as sweet and fun as the man in my head was. Encounters with him are a direct confrontation with myself, every time, but I always put my head in the sand. Then I didn’t have to face that confrontation. This makes it clear that he is my soul’s love, because he is my ultimate mirror. But that is completely separate from romantic love. It has become clear to me that he really does not want me and that, like most men, he can be superficial when it comes to women. At the moment I am saying goodbye to my illusions. That is no less painful than saying goodbye to the man himself. It is a grieving process and finally I face it, I give myself time for this. I also see what this is good for, because as a person I will come out much stronger and closer to myself. Is that fun? No, but who ever said that life and love would always be fun? The bubble burst, the fall was hard. My soul’s love, too, fell from its pedestal through its own hands. That does not matter, the reality check is good for my process. The return to the harsh and often banal reality is not fun, but I now see that I will have to deal with it. I will eventually get an eye again for what is really happening, I will be able to understand myself and my actions better. On the one hand it is really a huge liberation, on the other hand a hard blow to notice that love is not necessarily something elevated. Well, it doesn’t always have to be a 10. A 7 is also a good grade. Are there more people here who have gone through this phase? I am curious about the way you have dealt with it and what it has brought you. will be able to better understand myself and my actions. On the one hand it is really a huge liberation, on the other hand a hard blow to notice that love is not necessarily something elevated. Well, it doesn’t always have to be a 10. A 7 is also a good grade. Are there more people here who have gone through this phase? I am curious about the way you have dealt with it and what it has brought you. will be able to better understand myself and my actions. On the one hand it is really a huge liberation, on the other hand a hard blow to notice that love is not necessarily something elevated. Well, it doesn’t always have to be a 10. A 7 is also a good grade. Are there more people here who have gone through this phase? I am curious about the way you have dealt with it and what it has brought you.

Answer 1
What a beautiful story! I read it with emotion. The reality is not hard and banal in my opinion, that makes our mind of it. The reality is that there is no more and no less, without judgment. Surrendering to that, maybe that’s the lesson? Look at the flowers in the field … spring now, nature that is opening up in all its intensity, it tells us so much about life itself. Love is something elevated and nothing elevated, it embraces everything. The light and the dark. Also the simplicity that we so often overlook and pass by. It is not about numbers or what it yields, it is about ‘being’ in itself … in all its facets. That is my thought and experience after many struggles since soul love came my way, for me this was a process of years.

Answer 2
I also believe that the arrival of your twinflame is an invitation to become yourself. Which does not mean that by definition you cannot have a relationship with it. That is different for everyone, it depends on what you come to do with your twinflame in this life. It soon became clear to me where the problem was that I had with my twinflame. My entire dealings with my twinflame have so far focused on being strong in it myself. I am happy that I have always succeeded. This has brought me a new balance and somehow made me whole. I don’t know what my twinflame does in this regard. We have no contact about that. We all tend to romanticize the relationship. To live from expectation patterns that are not realistic. When we grow up we have to deal with that, but we don’t usually do that. Because of that bubble, it does not survive the first confrontation with your true self. Our assessment of the other in the sense of whether or not a fine man or woman is also covered by this picture. You can love your twinflame, but see all sorts of troubles through your glasses. Perhaps the twinflame in the other also sees. We never comply with the romantic picture, because that is the true illusion. So let that go, and see who we really are. I would aim for a 10 in every relationship, whether you have a twinflame or not. The most important ingredients are: – allowing each other to be yourself, never demanding that the other give up his or her dreams for you and – meanwhile being willing to do everything the other person needs from you, as an infinite credit that you will never take from each other – get clear where you stand emotionally and act accordingly – be willing to embrace any change, release any fear of losing your love, as we all grow in our lives – last but not least being able to feel the love in your heart at all times, even at times when you strongly disagree, and to say so at such a moment. Maybe I have forgotten a few more. I learned a lot from two books that should be on everyone’s shelf: If the Buddha were to date, from Charlotte Kasl, an absolute love bible, and Hold me, from Sue Johnson, about secure bonding, she has already saved many relationships . Love is not affectionate feeling,

Answer 3
I myself recently entered into a relationship with someone other than my twinflame, recently. It wasn’t that hard for me because I had already made that decision to never enter into an earthly relationship with my twinflame. I certainly do not regret it because my new relationship is a soulmate. That relationship is different, calmer and I am very happy to have made that decision.

Answer 4
Thank you for the beautiful, meaningful and moving answers. I am the questioner. It is very strange, but after a few days of crying, I am increasingly aware that I have placed him on a pedestal because of my idealisations and fantasies, on which he may not want to be placed. In real life he must have felt that, because I have done my very best to get his love in several ways. I have discovered that I have lost myself in my admiration for him, but can now slowly turn it into a source of inspiration to (just like him) make my own dreams come true! The bizarre thing about this story is the timing. First there was suddenly the reality check that arrived a bit hard, then I realized the true reason for wanting to get his love. And two days later he announced that he was accepted for a master’s degree in singing in New York! This summer he is leaving for New York for at least two years. As long as I know him now. No matter how painful it is, it almost feels like it should be that way. As if God is in control, because the only way to get rid of love sorrow and the only way to finally be able to follow my own heart is physical distance / no contact! In June I see him one more time and I have written a card containing a confusion about what he has meant for me and my life, how he inspires me and about what I have learned from my own (almost obsessive) attitude towards him. He does not know all of this, does not think about it, so it will seem rather fierce and awkward to him. I do not know if I am doing well, but I still take the risk of a permanent contact breakdown. Because I can’t let him go without saying this to him in one way or another. I just want him to know about me. God knows why …

Answer 5
A while back I also posted my story on this site, I come here occasionally to read new stories and I get the idea that people are more often confused in the experience with someone who is not emotionally available (men / women who always need confirmation because they have a low self-system and / or fear of binding). After the 10 000 times out and together I have had to face up again that this relationship (call it twinflame, soulmates, life’s lesson or what you want) was there until I myself had to become aware of my own emotional and anxiety problems . By analyzing the behavior of my so-called twinflame or soulmates, past and present relationships and lifestyle, I received a wake-up call about myself on a Sunday morning that makes me change because I simply don’t want to do that anymore! As a result, I feel less and less attracted to my twinflame or soulmates regarding a “romantic relationship” or even as friends. After the 10000 love declaration from him last fall (I had sent him a link from my story that he came back after the 2nd contact break in 1 year) he disappeared again in February (just before Valentine: o), I had him sent a text message and addressed him about his flight behavior and now no longer hear anything for 2 months. On the internet I had seen that he was flirting with another woman, I was really so angry that I deleted him from my online network and telephone book. That was 1 day before his birthday, of course I did not send him any wishes. Since then I have been giving it a place and I can now release it quietly because no love does not hurt, betrayal, lies, manipulate people (consciously, unconsciously) at a distance, confused etc does hurt but that is not love. I have since felt so much lighter and happier that I have felt in years, my life is improving in all areas: work, contact with my child, friends, etc. and I feel less and less the need to see him or talk, I do not miss him now so after 2 months, think much less about him and what happened because I now see what it was needed for and what his role was in my life!: O) I also have much less about it dreamed! And my last dream he was in was that he was waiting for me somewhere (a big one where we had agreed) but I did not go to him and stayed with my dear and other friends! Now I hope that my health will also recover with more time: o) I feel like doing things again, doing business and hoping that everyone here on this site will also see that in this life, when I read that people complain ” save for their twinflames or soulmates because they believe that after those persons have gone to bed with half the world, they will eventually choose them, I think, my young why? This is not the intention! Don’t leave your own life on standby and choose your own happiness for yourself and for people who treat you with respect and love and share the same values ​​and norms!

Answer 6
I too had a “dream man” in the form of my twinflame. And the day came when I saw him for what he really is. But this did not mean that I said goodbye to my twinflame as being my twinflame. No, I’ve just learned a lot since then. And the biggest thing was that I realized that we are each other’s ultimate mirror. As he has his less attractive qualities, I have those too. As he can be intensely sweet and beautiful, I can too. He finally changed from a dream prince to a real prince with human characteristics and I became even more crazy about him than I already was. With the difference that since then both of us have developed a development that is still going on and will last for some time. But we go together, I know that 100% sure.

Answer 7
So many illusions when you meet your twinflame, but most are in yourself. Expecting his / her expectations, consciously or consciously, of his / her life While, after later growth, I discovered that I was also fed up with the pulling and pushing, so I can imagine that your twin has that too. everything has to do with setting limits for yourself, do I still allow that ?! Admitting that you can suffer from jealousy, resentment, dependence, lack of self-love and respect and self-confidence, all points to be allowed to look at yourself, even if it is not your twinflame that he / she can do everything and that you can do everything. but everything must be covered with the mantle of love .. both me and he have to learn to respect each other, the love is there only get angry, frightened,