P0737. I walk away from myself


I am struggling,
Bothering myself time and time again
You have known that for a long time
Don’t look too far:
I’m scared to death myself

Because of my message here,
Because of the cause of my happiness and misfortune,
always put it outside myself.
I always do that.
I don’t take my responsibility that way. And I look away from myself.

Afraid of what I feel, of what I know,
Doing trouble so that I forget the whole situation. Afraid of myself.

As long as searched for other answers,
the why. In other places, in other situations. I found nothing.
The answer was already there.
Tucked far away in myself.
I walk away from myself.

The letters,
I’m sorry,
I was so angry.
A whole table laughed at me.
They all laughed at me,
with what I wrote for you.
I was so sad ..

Every letter came straight from my heart,
I had never written such words.
Why did you do that?
That hurt so much ..
I broke into a thousand pieces.

In your eyes I played a game.
I put everything away.
I walked away from myself.
I pretended nothing had happened
I didn’t know how to respond
You didn’t want to talk

It wasn’t a game. I was looking for a way out.
I didn’t want to believe in it. I didn’t want to bother you with it anymore.

It was too much for me
I have questioned everything
I have been in the pit
Am really unsure Trying
to find my way

Every once in a while you pop up in one of my dreams.
I don’t choose that either.
It fuels up thinking.
But I want to forget you.
It hurts.

I push it away
I push myself away
Go away!

I’m not looking for you,
I don’t have to see you, hear you,
I don’t even have to know you at all

And I don’t want to hurt you
I don’t want to get in the way of your life
And I don’t even need an answer

I ignore you
I am afraid of you
For your judgment
Because I am so stupid
I did not know anymore

I’m a sickness for you.
You shunned.
You’re scared of me