P0640. If loving hurts


if loving hurts ..
and you can’t walk away ..

if bodies do not merge ..
and you, bizarre enough, continue to “hope” ..

Is it not nonsense, this apparent obsession …
of wishing, and waiting, for something that does not come?

when words are confused, and hands do not rest,
do not merge into each other …
and the body still desires.

I just look at the colors,
and I sing for myself a song ..
of love and warmth, and enjoying each other together ..

if you do not want, do not desire, my kisses
and prefer to be at a distance, as friends .. stay ..

all your gifts, big and small ..
the trips together, through city and country
over hills, and through valleys
no kiss, or really Being Together ..

is it madness on my part ..
trying to explain
again and again .. saying again and again ;.
that as a woman I am a loser in the loss ..

you’re happy the way it is,
company, talking, philosophizing ..
supporting, and learning from each other,
that’s apparently enough for you ..

but this woman looks at her body;
where once passion was burning,
where belly and heart and mouth were full of love
open to yours …

shoulders hanging down ..
and likewise my self-esteem ..
I find for this reason no worthy reason
only a chill and loneliness again and again

“Then open yourself up to someone else”
I hear friends tell me.
and I know they are right …
but it has gone too far

my heart and soul ..
especially my body ..
no longer dare to feel
passion..fertile full of longing,
sizzling warm, moist flowing; ..
i just DARE no more ..

I used to be skin and bone,
now I am starting to expand
with a lack of hugging and making love
I don’t see the sentence of “being attractive” ..

then just a trip to the Ardennes.
or to England, or Mount
Shasta while I’m sitting next to you apically
and not in my body

“Don’t you enjoy”? you ask me ..
why not, what’s going on?
everything is still present
be happy with what there is ..

apparently a thankless creature.
me, who was at first so full of
everything .. love living and experiencing,
I am now just “something” ..

good company, who can also talk
about everything that involves being aware
and knows how to cook, wash, arrange ..
“interim” angel ..
eateric and “There”, but not here