P0100. The search for the way back


I only feel walls
I’m trying to find something to hold on to.
I’m looking for you
I’m looking for myself
I don’t know where B is.
I don’t know where T is.
I only feel walls.
I no longer feel any support.
I don’t feel a place anywhere
I can rest
Where I can find myself

There is love flowing
in me.
My heart
My heart is with you.
What I have done to you in recent years
What I have done to myself.
Where did i go?

Love of my life.
We have lost our sons
Bart and Thijs are always there, but will never be there again.

We. We must continue.
You have to get better again
I have to get better again.

Love of my life

I don’t know exactly how it goes.
You were always my base
But then we lost our children
And I completely collapsed.

And now. Now.
Now I feel the love
I feel the love for you.
I can feel the current again.

I’m not better yet.
I am not finished yet.

I have to do it myself.
You have to do it yourself.

So I’m looking
for the way
To find myself again To find
you again

And that way
I can already see it.
I’m already on it.
And I’m on my way.

But the road is very long
How much time I still need
And how many obstacles I still have to overcome
I can’t say that yet.

Great love, No matter
what happens
There is no greater love coming.
You are the love of my life.

Great love
Father of my children
I want to go further,
And I hope that ultimately you can only do that.
I want you back after all the pain and sorrow.

With this poem I want to try to show what can happen to love if unexpected things happen in a relationship. Such as the loss of children. Or the chronic illness of a partner. Or other misery. With us, radical events have caused a landslide in our relationship.

This poem is also for my partner, because despite everything he continues to believe in that unconditional love with me.