Nowadays, more and more stories can be read on the internet that claim to have met their twinflames. These relationships are usually characterized by emotional roller coasters, rejection, pain but also intense pleasure. As an experience expert I know exactly how this feels. For six years I have experienced intense peaks and troughs. What mainly dominated, though, was that I had lost myself. The feeling that I had surrendered myself to something that was outside of me. From this feeling I made a search through all kinds of spiritual movements and I also discovered the phenomenon of twinflames. Finally recognition and recognition! Followed by a sober, earthly conclusion. My story, and the ten lessons I learned from it, are shown below.
The first time I met my ‘twinflame’ was when I was busy with the proposal round for my new work. I saw her and immediately knew something was going to happen between us. It turned out afterwards that she also had a similar feeling. An inner knowing that you are going to experience an adventure together. There was only one small obstacle: she was 13 years older, has three children and was also married at that time. As a 23-year-old guy, with a lot of bravado and misplaced arrogance, I didn’t really care. What followed was a wonderful (sexual) adventure. Until we started to wonder if there was a future in our ‘relationship’.
As soon as our thinking got involved, the situation became unnecessarily complicated. An inevitable break-up followed. During that process, all kinds of things about myself were suddenly revealed to me, which I always completely denied myself. I always looked bigger and tougher than I was, but for the first time the ‘bubble’ was completely punctured. In addition to the sadness, my whole self-image suddenly seemed to slip from under my feet. A period of deep despair followed. I lost pounds, smoked like a heretic and was sometimes able to get rid of myself all over the world – the companies Gauloises and Heineken are still grateful to me. There was a constant feeling of excitement and tension in my body. And to make matters worse, we could meet each other at work every day.
We found it hard to let go of each other. To make a very long story short. What followed was a period of ‘friendship’ in which injuries always came along. But we always seemed to find each other again in a wonderful way. As if an external energy drove us towards each other. In addition, I could feel exactly how she was doing. When we had no contact for a year – and we never met again at work – I felt at one point that she was not doing well. She turned out to be overstrained, and somehow I already knew that before I heard anything about it. Things like this reinforced the idea of a very special bond. In the meantime I also had a new girlfriend. A super sweet woman, but I lacked the feeling of a deep connection.
Last fall, after a long period of little or no contact, we agreed to eat together. It made me nervous. I knew this was going to have an impact. However, the temptation was too great not to give in to it. So I decided to agree. After a while, she said she felt that we belong together. That she liked me. I could only admit that this was mutual. The next morning I ran dancing, laughing, crying and jumping. All the energy in my body seemed to get going again. That same week I broke my relationship, which was difficult because of all kinds of things. Incidentally not with the reason to be able to dive into the arms of my ‘twinflame’ again. Because I could not suppress the feelings of being alive.
After this moment, however, doubt arose. I started reading a lot about twinflames and I found recognition in every story. Nevertheless, I was also critical. Although I have been busy with spirituality for years, something in me also wants to stay sober. And that sober part of me thought it was unhealthy that my emotions were so dependent on someone else. I noticed that especially when a few months after our meeting my ‘twinflame’ indicated that she had a relationship with another man. Again the ground seemed to sink from under my feet. In addition, I often had a feeling of falling short. I couldn’t help her with all kinds of things in her life, and I thought that was terrible. I became increasingly aware that a normal, “earthly” relationship would probably never be there. That hurt a lot.
The new relationship turned out not to work and I secretly thought that was a good idea. Nevertheless, I also remained in doubt. Did I even want a relationship with such an age difference? Just to mention something. A period of much thought followed. That was nasty, because if you think a lot, you don’t live. I was not at home in my own body and it was difficult to sense which direction I had to go. After a while, however, there was a feeling that it was time to let go. That this whole event was unhealthy for me, and that it was an obstacle to enjoying life.
When I first really started thinking about letting go, a very frightening feeling of emptiness arose. How could I ever let go of this connection? In addition to fear, anger also arose. Had I really ‘screwed up’ a 1/6 of my life in a non-working relationship? Almost simultaneously I also noticed that the connection between us was fading. We hardly had any contact anymore. In fact, a part of me even sabotaged it a bit. But when I thought that letting go became a reality, I immediately fell into a fear of emptiness again.
During this process I started to see that our contact was sometimes quite one-sided. I started to realize that I actually fell into a kind of lap dog behavior in which I lost myself. The special connection, in reality, was primarily a kind of addiction to confirmation. As long as I received my shot confirmation, I felt fine. If I didn’t get it, I would fall into all sorts of anxious behavior – which of course is very annoying for the other. All in all it was like craving for a cigarette: you crave something that you know is unhealthy, and you know deep down that it will only satisfy your desires briefly. This realization was a huge reality check. I had sought all kinds of explanations to avoid this conclusion. But this was the shit. I felt it in everything.
Last week we spoke for an hour. We both knew it was time and agreed not to have contact anymore. I don’t feel any resentment about that. It was very loving. After this moment I cried very hard, but then the sky cleared. I feel like doing business again and feel free. I can draw my own plan again. We will no doubt talk to each other again and that is fine. I don’t have to leave it at that, but I also don’t have to look it up consciously. We have learned a lot from each other and I experience that as an extremely valuable process of self-development. But is she the one to whom my hope secretly continues to establish? No. There are so many other nice people!
My personal lessons
Because of damage and damage I have experienced that someone else cannot make you whole, and that you are both free to go your own way at all times.
Do not sit in the energy of another, but stay with your energy with yourself. Don’t be a pussy and take responsibility for your own life.
Do not surrender to the hopeless feeling that you are destined for each other, but ask yourself what you actually find important in life. It could only be that you realize that your relationship with your ‘twinflame’ and your life path are not in line.
Do not use your image of twinflames as a tool to face reality about your dependent and unhealthy relationship.
You live now. Therefore, really live, instead of waiting and hoping for something that may never happen.
Realize that you will never have a healthy relationship – with your “twinflame” or another – if you make yourself dependent on the other.
The other is only a mirror of your neediness; not the savior thereof.
The emotions you experience are like the need for cigarette: they are not authentic and unhealthy. If you allow these emotions to settle down, you will see that there is a much purer desire below. The desire to come home to yourself.
You are not your emotions and your thoughts.
Your twinflame is a great teacher on the path of your personal development. He or she brings out all the shit in you. However, that does not mean that you have to keep looking for this. At a certain moment it is time to stand on your own feet again.
Whether it is something that you have agreed on ‘soul level’ or not, it is no longer relevant to me. I met someone who, unconsciously, showed me who I am not, and I am very grateful to her for that. From that feeling I still love her, but I don’t need anything. All events have brought me on a quest for myself. And that is extremely valuable. Beautiful flowers can grow out of all this shit.