S366. Very grateful


During a 2-day business conference we got together after dinner in the evening after dinner. Before that time we had little contact with each other, it was business. And we are both (happily) married and have children. After a few sentences he asked what my passion was. I thought that was such a beautiful question that made me quiet. After that question, I felt that we disappeared into the depth. Our environment found us quite close and very uncomfortable, but we merged so much that the environment could be stolen from us. I felt an enormous connection with him, but a voice also told me not to confuse it with pleasure. That was not the intention! In December 2011 I was allowed to meet my twinflame, only he was (and is) still not sufficiently developed spiritually, so he did not recognize me / us. Since that time I have been in a roller coaster of emotions, I have had deep valleys and high peaks through him, but inwardly I know, we will end this life together! As a result of the meeting at the conference, my twinflame immediately disappeared into the background, the ‘letting go’ happened automatically (something I had not succeeded in doing that before).

In the week after the conference we had a call appointment. After some cows and calves we came to our meeting. I thought it was a true gift, inspiring. It felt like a soul match had touched me. Spiritually I get little from others, I give more. This is fine, but it feels a bit lonely up there. He shared my feelings, thought it was a gift too, I expressed his thoughts. He did not know what to do with his feelings, he was rational, sober and did not believe in this (until our meeting). Felt rotten towards his wife, but was also all attention for me. Wanted to know what I wanted, felt, saw etc.

I myself walked on clouds, one insight after another occurred to me. And I just had to hear his name, or I already got a huge grin on my face. For the outside world, I must have looked like a 16-year-old adolescent in love! I walked on clouds, but I actually realized very well what I was in and enjoyed it to the full. The energy I felt came from myself and he reflected everything to me. It feels like we are in a game together and need each other to reach the next level.

After a week of intensive contact, I noticed that he needed distance and let him go ‘more’. Something that didn’t work out at all with my twinflame, so I was kind of proud of my impatient me… He was afraid it would not be nice if we continued like this, ‘where did this go’ and he was afraid of hurting me . He had always kept work and private life separate and now I entered his territory like that and that was quite a threat to him. He was happily married and under control on all fronts, but because of the feelings I had in him, it had become chaos inside? He felt bad and needed space.

I myself feel so privileged that I can experience this. These gifts, which I encounter along the way. The lessons I get from it and the spiritual growth that comes with it. For my husband it is also pretty tough, he still has it difficult from time to time. He is very earthy and wants to grow old with me, but sees danger in the beautiful men (temptation) who come my way. He delves into this new world for him and works on himself and is busy ‘letting go’ on his path. I am very happy with this, because I do not see this as a threat. It is a larger whole, of which these are only small (but important) links.

Such an encounter / awakening is a fairly intense event and can easily be confused with lust. Very difficult if the other party is your type and you don’t leave him unmoved. Regularly other thoughts flash through my mind and I have to whistle myself back to avoid doing stupid things. I do wonder if those are just my thoughts or if I also pick up his? That is now also the dilemma in which he finds himself. “Where is this going” and possibly truncate before we get in it. Feels like I have taken a driving test and is waiting for the result. Did I pass or should I gain more experience first? In other words, he takes my hand and jumps into the deep (heart) or does his ego win and blocks all dangers. Will his formal face reappear? Or his sensitive side is gaining ground …

From previous experiences I have already learned that manipulating and forcing makes absolutely no sense and can even have the opposite effect. I let him go and hope that he will come to me naturally, of his own accord, to walk this path together. And if not, it is not yet its time. Or maybe I have to pass a ‘test’ myself. I am incredibly grateful for what he has given me, that cannot be expressed in words …