S356. Not before


Confusing, painful, wonderful, deep, light, as the essence of life and as a block to my leg. As if not only my body was embraced, but my whole being, my soul.
The love I felt and the moments that I and my soul love have experienced together are so special that I cannot and will not share it with my partner. I break his heart with it.

I broke the contact out of love for my partner and he respects that.
Intense, beautiful love experience that nothing can beat. I felt beautiful, powerful, capable of anything. My head and heart were clear. Said the opposite (stay here and go back), and that brought a lot of confusion, unrest, desire and pain. With me and with him.
On the day that I felt that I had fallen in love and felt wonderful by his side, his plane left in the evening. At Schiphol we sat side by side in silence. I felt alive, calm, full of love. The moment I realized that I was going to let him go in a few minutes, I felt tears coming. I looked aside and he cried at the same time.

Dominating and making happy. For the first time in my life I felt an intense inner peace. I didn’t have to achieve anything, be anywhere else.

Never before have I experienced that someone can ‘read’ you in this way, ask exactly the questions that you don’t dare to ask yourself aloud, seem to feel your state of mind exactly. And never before did I meet someone who says he recognizes his inner world in yours.