S349. I have to trust that he came for a reason and that I must let him go for a reason


21 months ago I met him. Immediately 200% intense feeling of what is described here as a twinflame.
Both had a relationship. But we let ourselves be carried away by the desire to be together. The first months we spent days together and sometimes nights together.
My father with whom I had an intensely good relationship suddenly died. Two weeks later I broke my relationship, despite 2 small children. Compared to what I felt for and received from my twinflame, effortlessly – naturally, it was impossible to stay with my partner. And I already knew then that if I would never see my twinflame again I would have made the best choice. My twinflame gave me insights about myself, who I am, what touches me, what makes me happy, that I had long avoided / ignored / put away.

His relationship continued, but our relationship also persisted. He often took a distance, harsh cold reactions. But at the moments he allowed it, being together was just as intense. We missed each other continuously. I enjoyed experiencing this wonderful feeling. He kept hiding it again and again, still looking for me.
His presence in my life made my life that was equally incomprehensible all right.
My friends didn’t understand me. Why didn’t I let the guy go, my future on an unbound guy was open.
I also lost my job at the company where I worked for 9 years. I couldn’t let him go, he was my buoy to keep going.

During the first few months we had daily contact with several times, also physically regularly. We were addicted to each other

It has been 21 months. I have always known that he came into my life to help me follow my heart and get through the first period. Always knew that I had to do it myself afterwards.

In connection with his choices, he knew that he would never go for me either. He repelled me if it became too much and visited me if he needed me for a period. Sometimes only make calls.

But by staying with him all the choices to make a change in my life became an obstacle to building my future. 1000 emotions, sleepless nights, scriptures of desire. We both didn’t dare break.

And a few weeks ago I started the process of letting go with fear.
Yesterday I finally said the last words one after the other and I know that he respects my choice and I know that my choice to let go is not going to change.
The addiction to him is so great that even with telephone contact I am connected too much.

I find it scary, want to run back, but I am strong. It is time for me to live by the insights he gave me. I have to trust that he came for a reason and that I must let him go for a reason.

Relieved that I made this heavy choice. My head and body are free again.
But then … I wish we could have survived together in this life and dared to go for each other. I am very afraid of the loss, but trust my strong feeling that this is the best thing for my happiness in this life.
He just wasn’t ready and he had to learn something else from me.