S309. I am now looking for myself first


I only discovered a few months ago what and who my soul love is. I had never heard of it. I ended up in an acceleration of events and emotions that I couldn’t understand and couldn’t control. Ben started googling and ended up right there with soulmates, twinflames and soul love. Soooo recognizable. All puzzle pieces fell into place. Not sure if he also knows that it is about soul love. He is pretty confused and doesn’t know what to do with it.

I ended up in an emotional rollercoaster! I have discovered that I have never felt such a deep love before. So unreal, I barely knew that man but from the start there was a huge click. He knows that too! We could communicate without words, felt each other very well. It only became difficult when we started talking and I could no longer imagine that I was crazy about him. He threw me hard against the mirror and made me realize that I was wrong in my life. My marriage is on the rocks. He was not the cause but certainly the cause.

Our relationship is that of boss-employee.
I didn’t talk about it with my partner. He wouldn’t understand jet.

An obstacle is that I know that there is something special and that we react extremely strongly to each other but do not know why. Nothing to do with it because we were both married and moreover boss employee. There was too much at stake especially for him and he didn’t want to know anything about it. Run away hard and denied everything and made it very difficult for me.

I have no love affair. In any case, he denied that there was anything and I did not at first because I understood the message very well. First I have to solve a number of important issues. Must first find myself back!

There is no more contact between us. He has been transferred to the other side of the country so there is no longer a boss-employee relationship.
I have had a hard time with that for a few months. Could not understand why he came into my life and why he evokes such deep feelings with me and then disappears again. It has hurt so much! He thought by completely blocking me and hiding that his problems had been solved, but recently I saw him unexpectedly and I know that he is completely upset again. I saw it in him, felt it, and I heard it in his voice.

What this has brought me: LOVE, I did not know I still had it in myself but I am bursting with it. And insight, I now understand that all these years I have figured myself out that in the end there was nothing left of myself. First I have to find myself and start loving myself again. I’m working on that now.

The most special thing I found was the feeling of knowing and accepting each other. So special and so fine. Being able to communicate without words and feeling each other so well is indescribable. The energy between us can light up a whole village.

The soul love feeling that cannot be described, but I will try.
Pure, overpowering, unconditional, deep, warm, fine but also disappointment, pain, sadness, incomprehension,

I think it’s terrible not to have contact with him anymore. I can understand that he does not want a relationship, but I find it very difficult that he does not want any contact anymore, because I know that we could benefit a lot from each other. It is far too special to just throw away. But I let him go. He is allowed to walk his own path and I thank him for the nice time I had with him.

I am not looking for a soul love again, I am now looking for myself first.