S301. He introduced me to myself very early


I met my soul love when I was 15. He was the second boy I kissed with. It was a lightning strike. After that, we never completely separated, but we never had a real relationship. It was attracting and repelling. We felt each other, and sometimes I could say what he thought. There was a lot of love, despite the fact that we could not recover. There was a huge attraction that could suddenly change. When I was about 19 years old, I was done with it, and we haven’t seen and talked to each other for a long time, and he disappeared from my mind.

I got into a relationship with the man I am now married to. At a certain moment I started dreaming about him, and after a lot of thought, I sent him a letter, after which a meeting followed. We had not seen each other for about 10 years. Then lightning struck again. From two sides.
It was a dizzy feeling, spinning … I felt that I no longer had any solid ground under my feet. Time stood still. We just stood there … and I could only smile and hold his hands. My heart was beating so hard and I wanted to hold it, touch it and never let it go again.

When we were young, we had a love affair, but it was very complicated. When we met again after all these years there was also a love affair, but at that moment I could not give hands and feet to that affair and pushed him away. He then kept his distance. At that time I already had a relationship with my current husband and I chose a relationship with him. The relationship with my soul love came in too hard and I pushed it away, it went too fast. After a while I started dreaming about him again and we had mail contact. Superficial, but nice.

One day I suddenly met him in my hometown, while he lived on the other side of the Netherlands, which gave me peace. Then the lightning struck again. A while later I saw him again. Shortly thereafter we agreed with each other and since then the feeling is again very topical.

The last “real” meeting we spoke to was about a year ago now, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. At times I can let go of him .. other days it doesn’t work at all. We emailed, sent text messages … He thinks I want something with him … but I don’t want that at all … I want contact. That is the only thing.

I was and am therefore in a relationship. The feeling is totally incomparable and not worth more or less. He also has a relationship. With my partner I can talk very openly about this and he trusts me and I am very happy that I can be open about it because I often do not understand my own feelings and he can put it into perspective again ..

Obstacles are: age, distance, relationships, incomprehension.

He wanted a relationship with me, but I was not ready for that at the time. I don’t necessarily need a love affair with him. The feeling goes much further than that.

It is now true that there is no contact and we try to let each other free. He succeeds (apparently) better than I succeed. I always feel the urge to contact him for a while. It is not satisfactory for me, but I would not know how it would otherwise work.

What it has brought me is experiencing a very deep form of love that you see in each other’s eyes. I saw myself in his eyes, and that made me very happy! What he is teaching me now is to let go and trust. I know we belong together in a certain way … but the idea that I might never speak to him again in real life … that makes me desperate. He introduced me to myself very early.

The most special thing I found kissing between us was always magical. The moment we saw each other again, being out of time. The recognition in each other’s eyes. Dreaming about each other again and again. After so many years still feeling so much for each other.

Eroticism is definitely very different.

My soul love feeling:

My love for you
endless light of

The relationship will always exist.
I recently had a dream that we were both on a lemniscate. We flow against each other, at this moment we are moving towards the outer edge and we are physically losing sight of each other, but the movement continues and maybe we meet again there in the middle.