What I find painful is that he does not only hurt himself and me.
Our children are also involved. My children had already started to love him (and his children). They too feel the loss and are sad. And I not only love him, but also his children. I cannot speak on behalf of his children, but when we were six, there was always harmony after a somewhat difficult start. It felt so good. We were really a six-unit.
It is incomprehensible and indescribable that one of those six by not tackling his own fears, can determine for the remaining five what their lives will look like and to remember their things that would add value for the rest of their lives. It was a unique opportunity that we were given and he let him go. He loves me and I love him. All four children had already had a painful divorce and now felt how happiness feels. They felt how harmony can feel and how nice it is.
He says that I now know how to be happy. No, he showed me what happiness is. To then leave again. Yes, I can be alone. I’ve always been able to do that. But if you feel such a strong bond with someone, you simply don’t want to be alone anymore. He has empowered me.
By not conquering his fears, he does not come into his own power.
With that he does us all six short. Is it my job to help him overcome his fears? But what can I do. I have given him my love for months and apparently that is not enough. What can I do more than show my unconditional love? Nothing. Ultimately, only he can do it himself.
And where until now I only felt love and compassion for him, I am starting to get angry. Because he doesn’t do anything about getting rid of his fears. He could read books about it, he could go into therapy. But he feels too good for that. Because he knows he has those fears. That’s not it. He feels too good for therapy and books cannot help him. And then you must also admit that you are not perfect. And how difficult that is. Apart from me, he dares to be vulnerable against me. But I would like to tell him; Please Dearest, take that next step. For yourself, for me and for our children.