S283. As if reality was permeated by a deeply loving reality


It was at a birthday party of a friend of mine. I didn’t think about love at all, and what I knew about it was, on closer inspection, not true love. I was also only thirteen years old. It was party time for me that time! Until I walked into that friend’s house, congratulated her, and looked at the girl sitting on a chair there. She was talking to some others. Everything about her attracted me, just like that, I had not spoken to her or seen anything else, only. The depth in her eyes attracted me with a special power, in a way that was clear without words. The famous twinkle in the eyes was there. From the inside I knew for sure that she was my natural partner and it would be a matter of time before she would actually become my partner in life. No rational statements or whatever, it just felt that way. It was so deep, intense, beautiful and mysterious. It just grabbed me. The connection felt so natural. It seemed as if life had brought her to me. Everything about her felt so good. As if everything she did and said was exactly tailored to my feelings. I also knew that no one could understand but she. It was all too personal for that. Fascinated, I was watching her at the birthday party, waiting for the moment to talk to her. Fortunately this also happened. I seemed to understand exactly what she said in between the lines. Her being shone. She was so beautiful and joyful. “There is certainly more between Heaven and Earth” was a clear thought at that moment and “How romantic love can go enormously deep and amazingly personal” was a clear realization at that time. This was so special. I think only those who have experienced this know what I mean. The rest may (hopefully not) think I’m exaggerating things. But I have the feeling that I am not yet approaching the feeling of what I had then. It was such a majestic feeling. It was as if reality was permeated by a deeply loving reality. It was a lifelike fairy tale with my own princess. Can you imagine! Pure desires from my heart. Being grabbed by the other person, without any effort, without knowing why this person is so gripping. Undeniable desires and wishes have towards this person. Nothing conceived, nothing thought, it just overwhelms you. Immediately in love.

We had a (short) passionate relationship with each other after this meeting. We were both young and I honestly don’t know why we broke up because there didn’t seem to care much. But it was at her request and because of my deep respect for her I let it go. Many years later I realize how special and significant this experience has been for me.