S279. Feelings that I didn’t know existed


I met my soul love 15 years ago. I was 19 at the time. He was in school with my husband (then a friend) and they were friends. One day I went to pick up my husband from the station and they were together. I stood in a hall and my husband approached me. My soul love, I call him Richard, passed me by and looked at me. I don’t know if he felt the same way as I did at the time, but everything faded around me and it seemed like we were the only two people in the world.

I felt a kind of vortex arise in me, I could only look at him further, my body was completely stiff. I didn’t move, didn’t breathe, didn’t think. Only he was there. Later this often happened when we talked. Everything around you fades. You merge completely, you rise above everything else.

Of course our love was impossible. I had a great relationship with my friend, whom I loved very much, and we got married later. He was his friend, we could not give in to anything. We had a night together, and that was nice but again not. It was wrong and forbidden and sad and we both knew this would be the only time. Yet I have never regretted it. I cherish this night. By the way, I told my husband and of course he wasn’t happy with it, but in this case he understood.

I think my husband cannot understand how deep my soul love goes and I think he doesn’t have to. It will never be a real threat to our marriage, we both know that I will remain loyal to him and will always stay with him. This is enough for my husband.

Richard and I never wanted a love affair with each other. Even if I hadn’t had a relationship. As a person we are too different and that would result in a far too explosive situation.

Richard broke all contact with me. I’m not sure why. Maybe I came too close, maybe he finds it too difficult. Too complicated. I haven’t seen him in fourteen years. Yes, I see him in my dreams. What wonderful dreams are these. And how hard the blow when you wake up. This is NOT the way I want it. I feel that this is NOT good. I want him in my life, if only sporadically via e-mail or something. I have been around for fourteen years with a broken heart and it hurts me so much. I long for him so much, for the almost supernatural contact that we had with each other. But he doesn’t want to.

My soul love has awakened feelings in me that I did not know existed. Very intense passionate feelings, but on a deep emotional level. I got these feelings from him and that changed my marriage with my husband. Become better, more intense, more sensual.

Once I was talking to Richard and everything around us faded. People were talking and laughing around us, but we only heard each other. It was as if we were above everything else and where it was quiet we could communicate with each other. Very strange, nothing I had ever experienced before. it seemed like a dream. How special!

So we had a night together, but that wasn’t really that special technically. Maybe that has made a lot of difference between us, I don’t know. It was nice to be so close to him. Only the feeling that we hurt my friend also dominated. I think that stopped us.

My husband is the love of my life. From this life, my earthly love. He is the only one I want to be married to, with whom I want to raise our children. I love him very much. I almost have supernatural love for Richard on a different level. We will never have a love affair but what we feel for each other is so great that it transcends life and death.

The fact that Richard broke all contact breaks me, I cannot understand and therefore I always feel pain.

I have my husband and that is more than enough for me in this life. I want soul love now and forever alone with Richard.