S275. It has brought me will, self-confidence and strength


I met him at a party 15 years ago, I was living abroad (my country of origin) and I had a relationship that was almost over. We looked each other in the eye for hours, it was dark and the music was very loud, after a while we sat down next to each other on a table, we kept looking at each other and smiling at each other. Then he grabbed my hand and we kissed each other for a very long time and that happened without words.

It was as if we were on a different planet, in our own world, nothing more existed except us and the music. I also noticed that it was getting very hot inside that big will. I had lost my friends and it was as if some kind of power from above was holding me there. I could not walk away. The feeling was fantastic, we were instantly in love without knowing it, the attraction was incredibly strong and I had never experienced and felt this before.


We got a love affair, I went back to my country (500 km away), I got his address on a note, it went out with my boyfriend at the time. I moved and sent him a letter. A few days later I received an answer. Two full pages with a declaration of love. He is younger than me, I had my doubts and sent a letter back because my life had changed in a few days and in one fell swoop. He replied to me an even longer letter. I was really impressed how honest and mature I found him before he was 18 years old. I decided to go to him, we agreed and I took the train to the Netherlands. At that time I could not speak a word of NL except thank you I arrived and he was there waiting for me on the platform. I went without expectations, more in the spirit of “I see what happens there …”. He immediately kissed me, took my hand and so we went to his parents, he still lived at home. I ended up in the Dutch countryside, his parents had many pets. He’s crazy about me and me too. His parents were immediately open, hospitable and friendly, it clicked right with them too. We had the greatest time, I was surprised how quickly I had forgotten my ex with him.

Fortunately it was not necessary to tell my partner because it had just ended with my partner back then. I don’t know if he could have understood that, it just happens to you, you can’t plan that, prevent it, see it coming …

We both had a different culture, different language, but it has never been an obstacle. Obstacles were the distance, the lack of money especially with him, then choosing different paths and relationships with others (that was also no obstacle to see each other).

We didn’t want anything, it just happened, it is a bit frightening because it seems like you have no choice, of course you always have a choice but you only find out if it is too late and it is too late.

we are in contact again. Our story is, just like every soul love story, complicated, painful but also divine … I can’t say it’s satisfactory, but it is better than no contact at all. We often broke up, usually he more than me, but when I did, I did not hear anything for 9 years. I had also opted for security with a permanent relationship and a child. I kept dreaming about him and occasionally thinking about him. I wanted to know how he was doing, and perhaps unaware whether the feeling was still there .. and yes after 15 years and 9 years without us seeing each other, it was still like the first day (night) …

It has brought me will, self-confidence and power from above. I had already decided to come to NL, alone, but when I met him everything went faster and everything happened within a year and then I was in Holland, in a room and learned the language within one year. But also how this kind of love can be incredibly unbearably painful, if it doesn’t go well, your heart and soul will be torn apart! The first time it went out I was completely devastated, as if nothing meant anything anymore and I survived. I even got sick, so sick of a deadly flu virus that I thought I’d die. I lost 10 pounds in 3 days. It took months before I became a bit of myself again.

The best thing is that night when we meet and communicate without words. Even those times that we met again after a very long time, everything disappeared, only he and I remained. Also the time that we had not seen each other for 2 years. it was in September 1999, I had been at a party, the same location I met him 3 years ago. I didn’t really think about him and I didn’t know why I had such a bad mood …
I came home again and 3 nights in a row I had dreamed about him. after the third night I picked up a pen and a letter and without thinking I wrote him a letter that I sent to his parents. a few weeks later I received an answer. I saw the envelope lying on the pile, and felt it all over my body. I grabbed it in my hand and immediately recognized his handwriting! I had to go outside but went back in to read it. He wrote that he had seen me a few weeks ago, not me, but because of that he dreamed about him the following nights. simply unreal.

Making love really beautiful too. Eroticism was completely different, I really had orgasms with him, never with another partner (luckily happy). It was incredibly beautiful and pure that I could not have sex with someone else for years …

My soul love-love feeling surpasses everything, it is the most beautiful but also the most painful thing that can ever happen to you … it is timeless, pure, real. When I am with him, I feel happiest and complete.

He broke up again a month ago after the umpteenth time that he wanted this relationship but couldn’t live up to it. A lot of things happened in his life, also many nasty negative experiences that I will not mention out of respect for him. It is just as painful as back then, but again and again the strangest and special thing is that I cannot have any negative, bad feelings about him. Because I know he tells the truth no matter how hard that is to accept. I keep hoping and taking it day by day despite that feeling of emptiness and that lack …

Searching for soul love: deep down I hope he is not the “true” … if that is true soul love why so much blood, tears and effort for nothing? But I also know that he … is it … the one.
My tip: learn from it and keep following your intuition and believe in the signs, they’ll show you the way