S182. I have grown enormously and have found myself again


In my teenage years I had already noticed him in a small cafe. K ‘immediately had the impression that I do like that.
Years passed when I ran into him at a work BBQ. After all, we turned out to work for the same employer. His gaze crossed mine and for a moment our eyes held each other. We briefly talked about cows and calves and that was it .. Three years ago he finally came to my workplace. We apparently got along well … actually too well. For the colleagues it stood out .., he had an eye on me. He was processing his divorce after 20 years of marriage.

I had a steady relationship for 7 years, but succumbed to the charms of my soul love. We had an affair in secret. But fate determines that secrets never stay, so naturally our secret also came to light. My partner at the time left, which of course was understandable.

The feelings for my soul love were so completely different than for my partner. Butterflies in the belly the desire to see him touch more and more and so. However, it was difficult for me to deal with those feelings, they overwhelmed me and I lost myself for a part ..
because he dealt with his divorce he was in a downward spiral, unfortunately he sucked me into it. I actually became a very different person, he drank and I drank along. I understood at a certain point that I was about to become an alcoholic. Then my eyes finally opened.

It was a relationship that was so intensely positive in many ways, the love the feelings the warmth it was all TE. Also through the intimate relationship I learned to love my body, to accept myself how I was.

Obstacles were not real from bystanders. Everyone thought we fit together as a couple.
A disadvantage was that he started looking for prey as a predator. He picked up with other women and I came up with that. He of course claimed the opposite.

We had both consciously chosen to enter into a relationship with each other. Because we felt each other so well, understood each other without words and were so incredibly on all levels on the same wavelength.

After 6 months he dumped me, the reason he gave was that I was too strong for him that I never asked him for help and that I shelled my own beans. He lacked the feeling that I really needed him and felt useless.1 We broke up for a month, then suddenly he was back in front of me and again after 3 months he thought he had fallen in love with someone else. The second time he broke my heart. A year and a half has passed by. He had run away with his girlfriend and contacted me again via. I agreed to have a drink with him. Stupid, but the pain he had inflicted on me was not consumed. Still, I felt so good with his company, there had been no break. He wanted to try it back with me because it had come to the conclusion that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Also according to his parents and children. But in the meantime I had a steady relationship with someone again. I did not want to make a choice because the relationship I had was back with the person who had run away because of my soul love. I could not and would not give that man grief and break his heart.

The break with my soul love has taught me a wise lesson. I used to follow my heart only now I often let my mind guide me. I have grown enormously, I have found myself again and have grown enormously in my capacities as a person. And I definitely don’t drink anymore. No matter how hard my setbacks are, I remain positive. And despite everything, I can continue to give love even though I sometimes get nothing in return.

The most special thing I found was the unification with each other in terms of feelings. The feeling that you have known each other all your life with your gifts but also with your flaws.

The erotic side of the relationship was so different … very hard to describe ..

My soul love keeps contacting me but I consciously keep the boat off. I feel that we are destined for each other … but not in this present life.

I no longer trust him, he has hurt me far too deeply, I went through hell emotionally. He blamed me for being a strong woman. But unfortunately now I am even stronger than ever before.

I am not looking for that love because I know that it is unconditionally in my presence. It is only for me to allow that love back into my life.

Despite everything, my soul love remains in my heart and in my thoughts. I wish him all the best.

My tip: Soul love exists, I have my doubts whether you can really build a relationship with it for life. No matter how well it clicks in some areas, it can collide so hard. With two being one but yet so different. But in terms of feeling a very rich experience. I’m happy to have experienced this