S178. It has brought me very, very close to myself. 1 major learning process


In principle, I have known my soul love since primary school. From the age of 14 to the age of 16 we had a relationship, but when he broke up, it felt like being amputated.The environment gave it the name puppy love and in all my ignorance back then, I assumed that intellectually, but then back then I already knew that this love went beyond everything. Knowing everything now, both I and he afterwards always knew that what we had at the time was very special. I had never forgotten him, and in everything I did, he was on my mind. Years later, both he and I married another and we continued to follow each other’s lives, even though we had no contact. 5 years ago, as it turned out, we did not even meet each other by accident, I went looking for him and he felt that I was coming. It was as usual, the interaction, the feeling, everything. However, with an obstacle, both me and he were still married and well, yes, then nothing can and should actually be done.

We have secretly done and concealed everything for the first 4 years of the last 5 years. The partners knew nothing, until both he and I, afterwards, and without knowing it, turned out to confess it to our partners. And then all the misery really started ..

It was a time with many peaks, but many more deep valleys. We considered stopping hundreds of times because the confrontations with ourselves and the mirror that we constantly had to look into were too intense.Because I have been tense for a long time and I knew myself so well, I could still get along with it. But he, he lived on with a mask for years, and came across himself so enormously. No, the fun moments became scarcer and the valleys all the greater. The inability to stop each other was to go broke and also the mysterious hassle. The feelings appeared to have never been gone, not with both and will never pass. The pain and sorrow alone with the idea of ​​losing each other again, went through marrow and bone. Eventually it was forced to stop because of my ex-husband now, but in our thoughts and feelings it feels like we’re still together. I have been divorced in the meantime, but he is, as I have recently learned, totally on the ground with himself, under the pills and in heavy conversations with a psychiatrist. His wife still seems to have a role somewhere, but I don’t know how. He told me he even had suicidal thoughts, so that goes a long way.

Our relationship could be described as a pure love relationship. I understood him with 1 word and as he once described; ” Because of you I have become a more complete person ” is really everything said …

We have come across many, many obstacles in our period together: the outside world, the responsibility to your own family, cheating, guilt, not wanting and being able to choose, not wanting to accept your love for each other, the big dark mirror , which you hold out to each other, the long, long road that must ultimately lead to salvation and the purpose of being together. To date, the end of that road has not been reached, I know I want him, but he is not ready yet and whether he will ever succeed, I do not know …

We never really said to each other that we would leave home and hearth for each other. Because when you pronounce it, it becomes so real. Emotionally, however, we never had to say it, we still felt it, it was just there, only pure fear of the outside world did not let us say it. Love was and still is, it needed no explanation.

At the moment we only have a spiritual relationship. I feel exactly when he thinks of me. I have recently been divorced and take total peace of mind to handle everything. He is apparently in bag and ashes and has asked me to leave him alone, because he really can’t take it anymore. No, it is definitely not satisfactory for me, but I try to respect his will.

I would almost say that soul love brought me nothing but bad, but that would have been a lie, because it brought me very, very close to myself. 1 great learning process that is not over for him and me. For me the big challenge now is to let him and to think that it is necessary to let him move forward in his own process of development, with of course the hope of an ultimate life together. My feeling still indicates that together we are still not ready, so … hope makes life …

No matter how negative it may seem, but the fact that he now goes through deep valleys and has to come to himself and find out what he wants in this life, that is what I find most special, because I have been there since the beginning warned that that should eventually happen. All this time I have managed to save myself from that and made choices that were good purely and only for myself and he is now learning that, no matter how difficult it is for him, but I find that very special.

Short but powerful: eroticism with him cannot be compared to anything else.

For me, the soul love feeling is a pure, intense, complete, warm, tingling, all-embracing and all-encompassing, indescribable feeling for someone who doesn’t have to do anything to make me feel that way. IT IS JUST THERE !!

Our relationship was forced to stop because of my ex-husband. I had promised him that I would do everything before our marriage and that of course did not fit my soul love. Then it “stopped”, well stopped by no contact, but stopping never works, because he is in my system with everything I do, so stopping him is impossible. Together we would never have been able to stop it and as he once said; “I don’t want it, I can’t do it and I don’t do it” and I personally never even considered it. The lack is terrible, it seems that you are no longer complete and you will never be. The idea and the experience that he is just walking around on this earth and I cannot access it, that is indigestible. For me he should be dead now, is also terrible and very sad,

I am convinced that I will never find a new soul love again and sometimes even fear that I will find someone to start a relationship with, certainly now that I know that soul love feeling and will therefore always be looking for it, Seems not honest with me about a new partner.

I would like to tell everyone that you should never doubt yourself if you know this feeling. I thought for years that I was crazy and when after 15 years it just turned out that he had always felt exactly the same and so I received confirmation of my feeling, well I can tell you it was pure revelation. And so even now, now that it has actually stopped, but does not feel that way, I continue to believe that this is still not the end. I have something to do with him and I have a goal with him and we will also experience that together. I keep believing

Thank you for your story, it is almost my story, wondering how you are now? I, too, are in a phase of letting go and having my twin complete their own learning process, but it is so difficult to let go because you want to be there for that other person, it hurts and yet not because you know it others can no longer otherwise, that it will come, so yes hope makes life.