S169. Soul love is an experience, not a person


We met on a DIY holiday. She was washing out a large pan and was bent over. At a certain moment she got up and we looked each other in the eye. And kept looking. When I noticed how long this look continued, I broke the spell and looked away. An hour later we were chatting together, 4 hours later we did a workshop together and I experienced a sense of unity from the start. This became stronger per minute, per second. Again three hours later we were swinging and again a few hours later, we lay together in a sleeping bag. The feeling of being one became stronger and stronger. She told me later that she had this feeling from the beginning. She is the one who came up with the term “twinflames”. Then this said nothing to me, now that the relationship has been broken, all the more.
I had no other relationship at that time, nor did she.

It felt like an insane sense of oneness, of an immeasurable, deep, unfathomable love. This became stronger on this (short) holiday per part of the day. We could feel each other even though we were not physically together. It felt like we had known each other for thousands of years. (This turned out to be pretty good later.) On Tuesday evening we walked together in the twilight on deserted country lanes, merging into each other and at one point we saw an indefinable “black” in the road surface. It scared her, I was a little joking about it, but anxiously made sure not to make contact with it. I think it was sort of a gate. Non-matter.
The next day, both with me through images and with her via commuting, data from past lives began to come through. To keep a long story short: we had a forbidden love about 3000 years ago and I saw her being killed before my eyes, without interfering. This was after (then) it became clear that our love then, would not have a continuation in a relationship.
Somehow I knew that we would meet again via the cosmic wheel. Since then I have searched for her in every century, until the 19th century. Then I had forgotten who I was (we sometimes met each other in the centuries that followed, but we did not recognize each other)
Too much happened to mention that vacation. It has been a spiritual awakening for me personally, in which many gifts have revealed themselves to me. It mainly brought her insights about herself and her current life. Both spiritual and love energy thundered through me like a steam train, without this scorching me. What we felt for each other was described by many as “tangible” at the time. At least 36 hours after we met, I said that I wanted to keep seeing her after the holidays and that I was becoming crazy about her. This was not practical because we live around 200 km apart and we both had a life of its own. Moreover, she is the mother of 2 daughters, although she is divorced. After the holidays we continued to see each other on the weekends and in the meantime we filled in via text message; telephone & msn. Saying goodbye to each other physically hurt if we had been together and we were both off the map in no time, if everyone was home alone again, it took a night to sleep, to recover a little from this. After that we each lived his life each week, but we both felt cut off from existence. We started making plans about how I would move to her region and look for / find work there. The sense of belonging continued to grow stronger.Sometimes we could feel each other, even though there was 200 km in between.

We had a love affair in which there was also room for sex. This one was crazy, although it had little to do with fucking. Of course we had sexual intercourse, but this was more of an endless feeling of each other than that orgasms and / or cumming played a major role in this.

We have not encountered any obstacles. It suddenly stopped. After a recommended healing, we woke up one morning and the feeling of connection until then had completely disappeared. I remember feeling a sort of panic about that. After that, it took another two weeks to reach what once was and actually a bit muddled, until she broke the relationship For reasons that didn’t even have to do with me, but more the confrontations she encountered herself.

We both wanted a love affair then. It felt that way and it was possible. Moreover, it felt great to be connected that way. We both had a period behind us in which we felt cut off from existence.
We have no kind of relationship at the moment. It has actually only just passed a good month and occasionally we have contact by phone or by mail. Strangely enough I start to accept that it should not be that way and I even feel a bit happy when I have contact with her. I sincerely hope that her will go well

What I gained from this soul love is that it has absolutely taught me how much love I can feel at all and what kind of person I can be. I only struggle with “I can’t be that beautiful”. But it is possible.

The best thing I found was the total sense of belonging in combination with the total love that we (I) felt (s).
My soul love feeling was one of absolute, unconditional, all-embracing love.

After she had ended the relationship, I desperately tried to hold on to the feeling and my existence of then. This was not successful. I believe I have been crying for a month. It felt like my being had been pulled out of my body. It was only when I was completely exhausted emotionally that I could (should) let go.

I would not know with God what kind of relationship I should seek now. If a relationship between two people who have felt such an all-embracing love for each other fails, then what will? At the moment I really have no thoughts about this. And the love for her is not gone. First let’s see how I deal with that.

What I still want to tell you is that this site helps me process this whole story. It is important to me in one way or another. Even now, as I am writing, I do this at a pace that reminds me of the period between the two of us. Even then everything went very fast. Things happened per part of the day. I have a lot to say: “ Soul love is an experience, not a person.” This helps me because I now feel that this is true. But I’m not there yet. It will be a while before I have placed this comment in every cell in my body where she was. But for me he is true, but he asks me a little time. That is allowed.

I have no tips for others. A broken soul love is hell. I myself have the luck of finding a piece of heaven there again, but everything takes its time, everything has to be learned and one is not the other. What personally helps (and has always helped) is sharing this experience. Furthermore, I can only wish others a genuine ‘Good luck’