S164. If we would allow the total feeling … then what happens?


During a joint short vacation we both discovered that there was much more than just a good click. It was fierce and confusing for both of us, because we were completely unaware of it beforehand.

I am still in the middle of it, in the experience of soul love. The feeling is incredibly double. On the one hand it is magical because I get to know a very different dimension, from which I learn a lot. On the other hand, it is incredibly heavy because I am constantly struggling between sense and feeling. We are simply drawn to each other, while I think it is intellectual that this should not / should / should not be heard and I sometimes do not even understand what I feel. As if I look at myself from a distance and with earthly glasses and try to call myself to order because it would make no sense at all.
I have a very special relationship with my soulmate. Somehow I am unable to write about soul love here. Because in the end we are quite open to each other, it turns out every time that we feel exactly the same at the same time. We think of each other (several times) each day. We just know that even if we had no contact. That feels very familiar, as if there is always someone for you. We can comfort each other when we are sad, but we can also confront each other with ourselves. It is only very difficult when we struggle with the feeling that we have for each other. As long as it stands apart from us, we support each other enormously.

An obstacle is that we actually want to be constantly in each other’s neighborhood and find that weird of ourselves. For me, the confusing feeling also plays a lot about loving my partner, but also having met this soulmate. Sometimes I manage to integrate both, but sometimes not, and then it feels like a kind of addiction in which I call myself very hard.

Furthermore, it sometimes feels stifling. Then I want to run away from it. I don’t like to get dependent on something or someone and therefore not on my soulmate. However, I do not want to hurt her and because we see each other every day I am fortunately also forced to stay in the earthly, so that we always find each other again.

I have told my colleague a few things about it, because the feeling was so intense that it threatened to flood me. To my surprise, my partner actually responded very well. I also told that I was in a dilemma because I felt so much need to touch the other person. My partner actually responded fairly calmly to this. perhaps also because I have a female-male relationship and the soul contact between female-female takes place. As long as it is not sexually tinted, I think my partner can live with it, although I suspect that he is sometimes a little jealous of our strong bond, but he will not say that soon.

A love affair? … This piece makes it perhaps the most complicated for myself. I’m not sure how my soulmate experiences that. I think differently, but maybe she doesn’t dare to say it. I have an extreme need to touch her and often it just feels good. But I also notice that I find it very exciting to feel if my touches do something to her. She knows that and she admits it, but we are still very modest in this area. Sometimes I think that if I just let it happen, it won’t be that important at all, but I don’t know for sure and well … I am married and then you are not in any other way, in principle you are still born . Strange actually, because I don’t believe in monogamy at all, but my conscience is very strong.

Although I would like to write down here that the relationship is satisfactory, I actually know that this is not the case. T he still seems to be stopping us. If we would allow the total feeling … then what happens? I have no idea, but to date I am reasonably capable of controlling my life and what happens if I let go?

I have developed enormously in recent months. I am becoming more honest to myself. Try to dwell on myself more and more and that is bearing fruit even though it is going very slowly. I have also experienced an ultimate feeling a few times. Hard to describe, but so beautiful / pure / timeless. Oh yes, I would almost forget that, but my soulmate really takes care of me like I have never been taken care of, it feels wonderfully safe.

The most special thing, I prefer to keep that to myself, because it was so intense and pure that it is actually impossible to describe. I can only say that I have come to know an extra dimension to life, wow !!!

For me, the feeling of love for the soul is an all-embracing, all-dominating, bubble that I am in for part of the time. At those moments the cover protects me and I can feel free from all the earthly / intellectual. However, sometimes I am outside the case. It seems to stifle me, or it seems like a simple bubble that you hold your finger on and then it bursts. Yet the bell is so strong that it cannot be broken.
I wonder very much which way our bubble will go, I’m curious about it, but at the same time a bit anxious about it.

My tip: Be open to the other. You actually always know what each other means by a certain gesture / word / behavior, but you don’t always tell each other. You better be open about it, then you both immediately know where you stand.

Furthermore, it might be good for some to choose at least 1 person in your area who will tell you more about the contact. Sometimes you help to put things into perspective, to place them or to get them clear. at least in my case.