S120. I have been able to handle all the pain from the past


We met because friends had the idea that we would fit together very well. We were very much in love with each other within the hour , like a lightning strike.

It went very deep. The feeling of recognition, the feeling of unification, of coming home. When he drove home after our meeting, he felt that my face was in his face, something like that. I drove home totally full of him. By the way, I already felt happy on my way to the meeting, when I didn’t know him yet. And he also had the same feeling about it. As if we already knew it was about to happen, that we were finally going to meet. We were both free when we met.

We have had a relationship for over 5 years now, I can say that it is very turbulent. A lot has happened in that time. We still live 200 km apart. See each other mainly in the weekends. We suffered a great loss at the very beginning of the relationship: we lost our child to abortion because I was in a panic to be pregnant so quickly and he did not dare to stand up well for the fact that he very much wanted it with me. I was already 44 years old and had already raised a child. I got the feeling that I was alone in the decision and did not dare. This experience has brought a lot with it. We have both grown enormously through it. It has changed a lot in our personal lives.

We are currently in crisis. We have not been able to fully choose each other all this time. When he said half a year ago that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue with me, it gave me such a shock that I have been going all the way for him since then. This has caused him a lot of fear. So much that he cheated on him and that was a huge confrontation for him. Now he wobbles between completely choosing for me and still being very afraid of doing that.

Another obstacle has been my son, who was still living in the house and confronted my twinflame with the courage to claim his own lack of space for himself in this world. I too have learned a lot about taking space in this relationship.

In our hearts, Love is particularly great for each other. The saboteur is with us both in our head.

So we still have a love affair, characterized by a crisis as I wrote earlier. A few days ago we decided to get married and in that few days so much has happened that the question is whether that will happen or whether he will go his own way. This is of course not satisfactory for me. Not for both of us. The desire for connection is always present. The fear of it too. The fear of losing each other is also present.

Soul love has brought me a lot of love. I learned a lot about myself. I have learned to love myself and to respect myself . I have been able to handle all the pain of the past and forgive myself for what happened. I know myself much better now. He is a big mirror for me.

I think the most special thing is that we have received a child in our sublime fusion. Unfortunately we did not know how to deal with the consequences.

For me, soul love is the experience of dancing completely among the stars together.

Erotic is more complete. More beautiful. The erotic mixes with a complete surrender to the other. It is tantra without having learned tantra. The hearts that open so completely. The full enjoyment of love that flows.

The soul love feeling is for me; Magnificent. Miraculous. Fully. An open heart. Merge.

I very much hope that we can get out of this crisis, even stronger together, and after all the problems we have had, we can live in the Love that we feel and that we can share with others. I hope we can overcome our fears and fully go for the love that connects us.

My tips: Stay with yourself.
Take the time to find peace without yourself. This is very important, otherwise you will end up in a dependent mode so quickly.

Accept the other in all his / her differences; you are very close to each other in the soul but the people are very different, and it is important to accept that.

Keep seeing that the ego always wants to sabotage. This is love of the soul, and it is difficult for us to comprehend. The ego cannot handle it and wants to destroy it. If you can talk about this together it is very nice.

Confusion is from the ego. Doubt is of the ego. Love is from the Soul.