S097. Everything lives in me again


I saw a man, much younger than me,
staring at the chicken coop, at the end of the country
of the eco-farm and community.
A new volunteer, I thought.
I also often came as a volunteer
and knew them all … cheerful … busy … socializing,
but this one was lonely .. and isolated
I was cooking in the kitchen and looked through the window
again and again … I got there sucked in with my eyes.
He saw nothing and stared silently in front of him.

I am already a grandmother, two daughters and three grandsons.
after 18 years of marriage, divorced.
A bar of 15 years and from 1999 only.
No more interest in the man, as a partner …
But many friends … as buddies … and done with the fiddling:
that eternal energy- wasting cravings for love …
that always ends in grief.
No more people in ownership .. they are their own again!

But, it can just happen
I didn’t ask for it. I met something very special … and in the
evening I sat next to him at the table, the next day
we also walked and chatted.
18, 12 and 7 are my grandsons, and
I love them with all my heart. THAT deep love ..
that vibration ,,, that awesome warmth that I feel
for them …. that’s how it was NOW …. but otherwise.
Further, Deeper, More intense. Even his voice was recognition.
Already at the first word … the intonation the tembre …
So familiar … so overpowering
…. my heart leap opened , pulsed out my body and started
at my knees and ended in my throat.
Such is the ageless, I now understand !!!!!!!

MY GOD, what am I supposed to do with this
Two days later we agreed to walk on the beach.
I discovered his powerlessness to share and trust.
I discovered that we differ in age by 16 years.
He lives alone and had never lived together.
Relationship experiences but the longest was 4 years.
Depresses and often closes himself in the house.
Not much in need of friendships and likes to be alone.
And I am a people person and share everything with friends.
What a paradox … we two !!!!

But … so sweet, so sweet.
The sweet pain of softly burning honey surrounds my heart.
again and again when I see him or his voice heard.
And we can laugh together. What is tie fun, what a humor we have !!!!!!!!!!!!
I am an experienced woman. Intense lived and enjoyed.
Hippie and businesswoman. Artist from my 16th birthday.
Painting clothing making and massage therapist.
My poems are liric and often a criptic overture.
I sometimes sent poems to him and I was told that I was very annoying.
Well, after all, he is an IT professional !!!
Far away from dreams without time … and … ..
in my life so often … time stands still.

We both live in such a different world.
And I fully understand that … but I find him so fearsome LOVE
…. as I write this I already have tears in my eyes!
Everything dearest love .. I have everything for you. !!!

He asked for equality …
well, equality with him
means respect for him … the treasure … in what he can handle …
and that means, for me so many things are silent.
But when I see him again struggling with anger and sadness,
I still send an e-mail with some carefully-intended intentions of thinking.
Are you teaching again !! he writes and is angry.

Now I am Antje Irrirantje,
and I will stay that way.
Clear e and soul love, only recognized by me.
and no soul love for two ..

time does not exist … but in the form age is still important … and there,
SOUL LOVE does not take it into account !!!!

Now he’s back in the winter dip …
and I don’t see him anymore
and I don’t hear from him anymore either.

my platoontje
I’m so happy to have met you in my life.
Everything lives in me again.
I paint again.
My poems are fiercer
And my belief in life itself
has taken on a dimension
that embraces the entire universe …
So ‘, rejuvenation cure is not for sale all over the world

whatever it may be
All those 60 years of my life, I was half my own
and without realizing it, I
just found in you
THAT I needed to
become Whole.
If only for ONE moment.

and, wherever you are NOW

I love you

I will send you a sweet angel, like what you dream of

so that you too can bathe in that love of coming home,
as you gave it to me without realizing it