S073. Mirror each other so that you see what you should change about yourself


I recognized him on TV. I was watching a video of a musical with my daughter and he played in it. In a close-up of his face I recognized his eyes, immediately saw who and how he was (which turned out to be true) and I had a flash thought that I was married to the wrong man at the time. I tried to ignore it because I couldn’t make myself feel like someone else even though I hadn’t been married for half a year (my ex and I had been living together for a long time and already had a daughter together).

But after a little more than a year, my soul love returned to my life, only to not leave it again. I don’t know if he experiences the same feeling when we are together … Anyway, there is “something” between us that other people can see and feel when we are together. But for my soul love it is very difficult to talk about his feelings.

And yet the feeling continued to itch and I searched the internet for information about that unknown actor. I discovered when it was his birthday, it happened to be around that time and I sent him a card, he mailed me back and it all clicked so well, mailing went on chatting and texting, finally meeting, I already knew emotionally that he loved my soul was, when he first saw me he immediately got a big smile from ear to ear, our appointment at that time all felt very familiar, as if it had always been like that. And it still feels that way, despite the fact that we still have not entered into a real relationship with each other, which is not my fault.

My partner at the time could not understand, I thought at the time that I was cheating, which was not the case. He became sickly jealous and intercepted my emails of my soul love to me. Tried to turn other people against me. In the end, I also divorced him because my feelings for my soul love just turned out to be too strong and I felt and only wanted to be for him in terms of love.

The love of my soul was a profound friendship, despite the fact that I very much want a real relationship with him, he knows that, but somehow he does not dare to give in to it. Very frustrating … His closeness in feelings and my impatience (which has already become a lot less with me over the years) are obstacles between us.
The jealousy of some people because they see and feel very well that there is a deeper bond between us. And somehow the distance and our finances don’t really cooperate either.
I would like a love affair with him, because I have never felt so much for a man, I have met a man who looks so much like me and yet also completes it , and who is also visually completely my type.
Only he still stops it. He says he doesn’t feel the same to me, but when we’re together he doesn’t behave like that. People around us also see and feel that there is more between us than an ordinary friendship, some even speak to me as if I am his regular girlfriend.

At the moment, after a 3 and a half month stoppage due to an argument about “the feelings”, we are just starting to rebuild our friendship. I am convinced that if he really did not feel for me, he would not have taken that trouble. At the moment it is (still) satisfactory enough for me, because I am already happy that the contact between us is recovering again, because those 3 and a half months of downtime were hell on earth for me. At the moment I have resigned myself to the fact that a love affair as I would like it is just not possible at the moment. I cannot speak for him whether this is satisfactory for him … Although I also know that love is his greatest loss … That he will get from me when we see each other, except in a physical form (except for the kisses and hugs).

I have learned to be more patient in love; if I liked a man and it didn’t go fast enough for me, I lost interest. My soul love has had my loving attention for over three and a half years.
I also learned to stand up more for myself in love because I tend to cover a lot with the cloak of love (which I myself was ultimately not happy with of course).

I find the most special; understand each other immediately through a single glance, being able to sense it remotely whether the other person is doing well (positive and negative).
Often have the same thoughts and express at the same time.

We never had sex with each other. Despite the many flirting, he eventually stopped the boat. If I get too close, he runs away from it. But if we have a hug, it feels very intense to me at least. I can’t help peeling him somewhere while cuddling, stroking his neck, for example, which he then replies by pressing me closer to him, for example … I would like it to happen more, it would loosening so much more energy in both of us that is now stuck but yelling to be loosened.
And I am sure it is very different from eroticism with previous partners. If only a hug feels much more intense …?

The soul love feeling is for me; resemble each other and still complement each other (complete), mirror each other so that you see what you should change about yourself, everything feels much more intense about positive and negative , since I know him I have gone over high tops but also deep troughs while I never had that intense before. A feeling of not being able to live without each other. A feeling of coming home together. A feeling that it has always been that way …

We have only had a 3.5 month stop and I thought that was hell on earth. He had hurt me with a thoughtless comment, and that was the last straw for me. Unfortunately I reacted quite fiercely which made him feel offended again. I still think my hurt was justified, only my response was wrong. I was always a very optimistic person of my own, but now almost slipped into depression. Living without him was no longer necessary for me , but I had to continue because I have 2 children. Despite that near-depression, I have always had the confidence that it would be all right, and indeed …

If I can’t keep it, it won’t be mine anymore.
During our “dips” (moments when I lost hope) I was distracted a number of times by contacts via dating sites, but I am completely back. I don’t find anything that can match this feeling any more.

My tip is; do not go looking for your soul love, your soul love will find YOU when the moment is there. Listen to your intuition, and don’t let people make you feel unsure because they have never experienced it.