S037. My soul love has shown me that I can just be the way I am


I got to know him through a chat site. From the first day an intense contact. Just as if we had known each other for years. However, I did not realize that it was my soul love. We only had contact via the chat site, msn and the telephone. Still feeling of warmth, understanding, love. It glow when I was in contact with him. We had a virtual relationship.
One day I felt that I had to let him go, while I didn’t want that at all. Was totally upset. The next day I spoke to him by phone, he just wanted a few days of rest for himself. Somewhere from the unconscious I felt it was a final goodbye and I told him this too. We both didn’t want this, it hurt … but a few hours later I was told that he had died. Acute cardiac arrest. The pain and sorrow was enormous, as if my heart was being pulled out. He has given me 4.5 wonderful months, and I also know that he will assist me in a different way. But the pain is still too intense, the lack, because all this took place just a few weeks ago
What was very difficult was that at first I did not understand why he did not want a meeting, but after his death I discovered that he was disabled after a stroke several years ago. He struggled with that, because in his eyes he had nothing to offer me. I am very sorry that he did not want to say anything about this, but on the other hand, I can also understand. I felt that there was more than he said, but could not get a hold of it. Now I know why. I really wanted to meet him, I loved / loved him immensely, but because of his own vulnerability, he said he had a slat relationship … that was an obstacle to the chance to meet him. However, there was no slat relationship, and I know that he cared more about me but that he could not …
He is no longer on earth, but he often feels it with me. In the future he will mean a lot to me, probably in the form of a guide. And yes we will see each other again!
My soul love has shown me that I can just be the way I am. I am very concerned with my self-confidence, I am rather uncertain. He taught me that I can be there without judgments and such. The most special thing I found was that in the 4.5 months that we had been in contact with each other, we spent hours chatting with each other, we were surprised that we couldn’t stop talking. It felt like a love I have never felt, intense, profound. Even in my relationship that lasted more than 20 years and ended last year, I have not known this intense love.
I would love to have such love again, although I find it very difficult at this moment to open my heart to it.

If you ever find a soul love, try to keep him / her in your life and try to talk about the soul love. I could not (we did not recognize it at the time) because before you know it you may suddenly lose her / him.