I have missed something all my life and with that question I came to the rescue in 1982, I did not know who or what it was, but always a lack of feeling, emptiness wanting to grab something that was missing. until I met a man in 2000 (I’ll call him K in my story) when I got to know K on a dance night, I knew it was very special, I was so happy, in the clouds etc etc so intensely happy I radiated all the way, I found en what I had been looking for and had been looking for for years, I have often thought that if I have to miss him I will die, that sounds fierce but it was true. someone pulled something from my stomach like that
n pijn , naFor half a year the relationship was over, what a pain / sadness that cannot be described in words is unimaginable, we have seen each other for another 5 years now and done things together, he closed himself off completely and said he felt nothing for me, it distressed him with all its consequences. After 2006 I didn’t see him again, until he came to see me again in October 2011, it was so much fun, he came back a week later, I was fantastic in seventh heaven everything was completely up to date again! me, after the second time (while it was very nice) he stayed away again I can’t reach him anymore after a few attempts to get in touch with him via e-mail or texting he has blocked me. I don’t have to tell how terribly painful that was and still is, I’m very down and sometimes very depressed. I also don’t know why he is leaving me for the second time, I want to ask him but I have no chance at all, can’t reach him. Knowing that I will never see him again will destroy me. All these years I dreamed a lot about him and my Father, I always confused them, in my dreams but also in reality they both haunted my thoughts with images. Could it be that he touched a very sensitive chord with me, which I should have felt with my Father as a child? fatherly love that I have not had. he died 27 years ago. is mss that feeling I’ve been looking for all my life? and still? With K I feel complete, now it is as if I am amputated, I cannot bind myself to other men either, then K is added to my thoughts and feelings,
how do I get out of this deep valley, and loneliness, deep sorrow, longing for something that I will probably never feel to accept that again is so difficult. the contact with him (K) was really Heavenly as if we were floating not to express in words, no love goes as deep as this, both the heavenly and the enormous pains, the strange thing was that when we were together somewhere random people just said we didn’t know at all: You must be a couple, you can see that. I always thought that was so special, what would that have been? I think it is such a shame that we cannot see each other just once in a while, but K says that this is not good for me, it would be RIGHT for me that something great to look forward to then I will be able to do it again for a while against if he has been that way at least I experience it. He says I can’t handle that, I sometimes think to myself isn’t it the other way around? but he says he feels nothing for me, I long for him very much (that special heavenly feeling) and when we are (were) there was often tension very strange does anyone recognize this story? I would really like reactions.
It is certainly possible that he has hit a sensitive chord and that is why you touch so deeply and do so much. With me there is also someone who touches me deeply for some reason. He also comes close to disappearing again and again. What I have learned / am learning is that I no longer only feel complete when he is in the picture, but also when he is not in the picture. And not to be so terribly upset by him. Regarding my state of mind not being so dependent on him. All very difficult, but necessary. And of course there is that hope that when I get the hang of it, we will come together. In that respect, I am not completely loose yet. And of course there is not only my process, but also his process and I cannot control that. Maybe he never teaches what he has to learn in this life, and then the coming together will also not happen .. Accept therefore. But it is difficult. Be strong, stay close to yourself, be satisfied, see where your growth lies, love yourself. A cliché, but so true … Strength, you will probably succeed!
Hi, your question whether this love has to do with your father is difficult to answer. I think that every love, whether it is the love you feel for your father, your mother or your neighbor, has to do with your own inner unmet need. We look for it at the other and if the other does not respond then we feel distraught. I know it all. It is hard work on yourself and always confronting yourself. Don’t give up and see if you can also find his love in yourself, that will be your salvation. Get well soon.