This is really very difficult: I met my twin in the late 90s and was then in the mid-30s. Because I was so thrown back and forth by my emotions (I didn’t know the concept of twinflame back then, never heard of it), and I totally didn’t know how dealing with it (he was married now and now I am now too), I started to develop something in myself with the intention of hating the other. (What made it all worse is that we were both believers, that is, we both went to the church community, where all of this was of course “not allowed” and where this was absolutely condemned, have meaningful feelings for someone who is not your spouse) I went concentrate on rather idiotic things: such as things in his appearance or otherwise that were “imperfect”. So I really did my best to hate the other. With the result that I developed something else namely a neurosis: I started to swear at everything and everyone; in my head. It was as if my anger had no outlet. That was really bad. Can someone tell me what exactly happened here? I have to say that I have finally found more peace because I now know that twinflames exist. But my twinflame denies that. He has always done it.
Yes, this is like overcompensation of feelings of love that should not be there. You don’t know what it is and you want to be above it, so you develop a certain macho behavior (it seems to me) to hide those true feelings. Ignoring is not possible with so much energy in your heart, so it has to find another mental outlet, otherwise it eats its way to somatic complaints, with the worst perhaps heart complaints or thrombosis in the coronary artery. Actually it is a defense mechanism out of lack of consciousness, luckily you never used it as real violence to someone else. Although, in my opinion there is no violence, there is only lack of consciousness. But what about your conditioning (belief, upbringing) now that you know more and more about twinflames, A little loose from your experience with your own twin? (Who knows)