Q0604. Wishfull thinking or not?


Mid December I went to a psychic, she told me that my father was with me. She also asked me if I had a relationship, the answer was no. She said that someone was hanging around me. Someone who was reluctant, maybe shy. A few days later on my (deceased father’s) birthday I logged in to a dating site. There I saw his photo and I knew immediately, I am going to address this man. I got a message back and our story started there. After a few days of emailing, he decided that he wanted to meet me, and I wanted that too. When I opened the door I immediately felt a huge click. The rest of the evening, he stayed until five in the morning, was a fairy tale. He even said that first night I love you. That went very fast for me but I felt it too. He would come again the next day, but called off. It went too fast for him, his emotions ran away with him. He has just had a broken relationship and was / is still financially and emotionally involved. Anyway, he wanted time. I gave it some sort of and after a week he discovered that he wanted to try it anyway. That went well for a few weeks. But my feeling gnawed. I felt every little mood of him. When he was with me it felt good, mentally and physically. But I also felt something that made me gloomy. That can of course be true, the lack of his children from a first relationship, the situations with the recently broken relationship in which he had missed a lot. And where there are still many obstacles. He also cried a lot. He also told me that I gave him what he had missed for so long. He also told me he felt how much I loved him. Until two weeks ago, then his doubts came again, I am suitable for a relationship among others. That came quite unexpectedly via e-mail. Talked to each other and decided to take some distance. Next day an email, I miss you so much and I cannot bear the thought that I will lose you. So given time again, until last Saturday he came with lead in his shoes to report “I am not in love with you and I never will.” A week before that, he said he loved me. He also often told me how I always held up a mirror to him and how special he thought it was. How scary he thought it seemed that I knew him so well and felt him flawlessly. This time I had more or less the feeling that this was final. Even though I ‘almost’ know he belongs to me. And I hope that when he has healed his heart and doesn’t listen to his ego anymore, he will come back to me. Is he really my soulmate or twin? Or is this wishfull thinking? For the first time I haven’t heard anything for a day and a half (really really?). Usually there is a message from him. I deliberately don’t hear from me. I don’t want to break it by engulfing him even more with myself. Who can help me with my question whether I have made a mistake because I just want to experience love. Or is it really for me but is he just not ready yet? Waiting is not my strong point. I try to let go but I don’t know how. I suddenly saw this site ‘by chance’ last night. That did me good, despite the fact that I read that a lot of love stories go rather painfully or end.

Answer 1
No, not a twin, and I also doubt soulmate. This man is very confused with himself, also very unstable. You had to help him temporarily. He has already had two relationships? I would keep him apart from you for a year, I have the feeling that you will break it like this. (Unknown)

Answer 2
When I read it that way, it sounds like a “runner”. That is, a twinflame running away because it is all too much for him. It is best to give him the time and space (so let go) until he himself sees what you mean to each other and knows what he wants with it. I myself am also in the situation that my twin does not yet fully understand how we feel about each other and precisely by letting him go we both grow and there will come a day when we come together. However, when no one knows. It is no coincidence that you came across this site “by chance”. You had to be here right now … Just like you don’t meet anyone in your life just like that. Everything and everyone has something to say to you. (Unknown)

Answer 3
It is perhaps a little too early to say whether this is a twinflame … you often do not find out right away, you do feel that special bond with him, but let it rest for a while. You have not known him that long, as you read here it is a whole learning process that you enter and it may take years before you, if you are twinflames, can really get together, keep in touch if you both want it through the mail and see occasional and relationship? in the form of being together every day, let that grow. No force, be happy if you do see each other. and being in love is different from loving. (Unknown)

Answer 4
What I read in your story; that you really want it. And if you get too close, he will drop out. He is not ready for the love he has never felt before. If I can give you advice, don’t follow his behavior and let it go. Do not embark on the path of attraction and repulsion, because he does. Let him solve it himself until he is sure that he can really choose for you. Say it yourself; What good is a man who is unstable? Much love or sorrow, what do you choose. (Francien)

Answer 5
Hi! The story you write is recognizable to me in many areas. I also came across my ex via internet (hyves) and from the beginning I wrote what he thought … After our first meeting it was a big hit; Love at first sight. Yet I felt that I had to walk on my toes, I also felt his moods, but he denied that there was anything. That led to quarrels … The relationship was over, he ran away hard to our great sorrow. Through various psychics I discovered that we are soulmates. I know he doesn’t. There is no more contact and every day the hope of it diminishes … … I was a mirror to him! I confronted him with his greatest fear: his feelings, which must remain deeply hidden. I have learned a lot, your twinflame, soulmate touches you a bit, that you have not yet discovered yourself. You discover as it were; what love is … what it is supposed to be. That makes it special, but also painful. Because do you ever find that feeling in someone else? I wish you a lot of strength, love and wisdom! (Yv.)

Answer 6
To say that he is not your twin is a bold statement. What matters is what YOU feel for this man. That is the only important thing you need to know. Follow your heart in this difficult and painful process. Do what feels good to you. But choose your own luck !!! Do not lose sight of yourself in this contact and do not allow others to become completely dependent on you. Every relationship is at its best when both parties are emotionally independent of each other. A relationship cannot work if one makes the other responsible for his / her happiness. Twinflame or not. That is a pitfall that you can easily get into together, especially if the emotions are as intense as both of you. It is not surprising that people flee from these overwhelming emotions that can have such an impact on you. Perhaps a while away gives you more clarity about how deep your feelings for him are and what YOU want! . If he is your twin, he will eventually come back to you someday. I know you don’t want to hear this, especially if you’re (like me) so impatient, but that’s a hard lesson we’re learning; it will happen at the most convenient moment and not coincidentally because we no longer have patience and want it NOW. To show respect for the time that the other person needs to heal, to grow, that is to let go in love. If you can DAT you will see that both your growth will go faster and that is beneficial in all respects. In any case, I wish you a lot of strength and peace within yourself to follow this flow. Do not swim against it, but go with the flow, that is less painful. Love (L.)

Answer 7
Thank you for all the answers. (I am the questioner) I can certainly do something with it. We have now been a week and a half further and I deliberately waited a while with answers. There have been a number of developments. Including the fact that the one my heart goes out to has another. Within a week. Yet I know and feel that he belongs to me at the right time. A kind of peace has come over me, in which I miss him of course. But it also feels beautiful. The constant flow of love that I feel. I cannot imagine that I ever felt this way. There was 1 day, after a mean remark from me to him, just after he told the other that I didn’t feel much about him. The funny thing was that I saw fire engines everywhere that day (he is a firefighter). I even had a meeting that day in front of a barracks with fire engines. I saw a truck in a completely different part of the country from the village where he lives next door. That was a sign for me. Later I realized that I saw this because I had to make an excuse for the comment. That turned out to be good afterwards. Occasionally I also get the feeling that I am not in denial. Whether or not I just want him to be my soulmate or whatever. There is a person in my area who is convinced that it is for me, as soon as he has released his ego he will come back says this person. This man is very spiritual. I do know that the encounter with my “soulmate of twin” has motivated me to work on myself again. Get a bit closer to myself. I will do that by following a nice therapy. On top of the things I already do. I feel the warmth go through me as I write this and think about him. It is good the way it is. Knowing is enough for now and I am grateful that he is there. Even though there is no earthly contact now. Love (M.)