Q0272. Does anyone have an idea how we can best solve this?


My relationship with my twinflame is very tough for me, I want it, very much, but since he is not going so fast I always have to make up for it. What in itself is not a problem, were it not for his fear of attachment and I have separation anxiety, he is so kind to me, take into account my separation anxiety (shows all understanding if I re-panic when I hear or see nothing from him). And I take his fear of attachment into account by setting up my own restraint, which of course is almost impossible, because I always want confirmation that he is still there, so all in all a very dilemma for both. Does anyone have an idea how we can best solve this? We don’t want to lose each other.

What I get very strongly from your message is that you are both very dependent on each other. You make yourself very responsible for each other’s inwardly damaged child while it is precisely the intention in this process to take responsibility for your old fears and life. Only by taking that responsibility yourself will you learn to stand more in your own power and it is precisely this self-developed power that will make it easier to let go of your old fears. By the way, is it really loving when you start taking on each other’s responsibilities and anxiously try to protect the other person from pain? Dare to let the other person go, dare to allow the other person to fall down but also dare to allow the other person to stand up again. By wanting to protect that other person from pain and clinging tightly to that other person, you are, as it were, depriving the other person of his / her lessons and moving forward. Dare to trust! That the other person is strong enough to let go of his / her own fears and pick up the responsibilities.
What happens with anxiety? People are afraid to commit themselves to others because they are afraid of being hurt again, of being hurt. People do not want to feel the pain because it seems to be unbearable and they are probably also afraid of losing themselves or, even worse, doing something about themselves. To prevent this, others who come too close to the heart are kept at a safe distance. Sometimes you are admitted close by because people would like to have a relationship somewhere deep down, but because of the extreme fear of being hurt again, they are then repelled again if the other person gets too stuffy because the other person comes too close. .
What happens in case of separation anxiety? Often people suffering from separation anxiety at a (very) young age have been abandoned by one of their parents, both parents or a partner, which caused a trauma. This old trauma can then recur in later relationships and cause an extreme fear when someone wants to break the relationship or friendship. In such cases, people are also inclined to seek the love that they ought to have received from their parents outside of themselves instead of giving themselves that love. It is also common for people suffering from separation anxiety to exhibit suicidal behavior and for the partner who may prefer to leave the relationship, this can become a very heavy burden.
Yet I wonder if it is really about the fear of being abandoned or the fear of being tied to what people are so afraid of. For my feelings and from my own experiences (I have experienced both abandonment anxiety and bonding anxiety in my past) it is more about the extremely high degree of Pain that people are so afraid of and what could possibly happen to yourself if you have the pain of the fracture or injury. I believe that people are more afraid of the pain, are afraid of losing themselves and if they are dead that they will do something to themselves instead of being really afraid of being abandoned or entering into a relationship. The underlying fear is fear of Pain and fear of Death.
In principle it does not matter whether it is fear of attachment or abandonment, fear is fear and fear is the only thing that needs to be addressed. The book Free from Fear by J. Krishnamurti is a perfect book to help you on your way to learning to let go of your old fears. It really helped me a lot and to be honest I thought that this book should really become a compulsory book in schools because it really helps us to see how fear arises and how we can let it go again. And that is something they never taught us at schools and during education, which is why this book should become a compulsory food for me in schools.
How do you release your fear? By recognizing and accepting everything that you feel deep inside, dare to look at it, dare to feel it, dare to let it be there, dare to recognize it as something old. The more you do that, the more you will transform your fear into Love and Power and your old fear will fade into the background or even be able to let go. Love. (ChildofGod – Ivy)

So just live and like to see each other … So just hurt each other is part of it … So just continue to grow and grow … So just like to see each other in your own way and not give too much to the opinion of the other … Are you hurt? Yes, that’s right … I have been doing this for 10 years with my soul love and I can assure you that we have already grown seriously … Let yourself and your love live with all the injuries and love that goes with it … (Unknown)