you are suddenly in my mind again.
even though it is not true,
we are not together,
not as lovers, but as “friends”,
you tell me.
I do not know yet how to rhyme this,
my eyes often turn to your face
when we drive in the car,
and you say nothing, your eyes on the road.
you grant me the most beautiful, and the nicest,
the sweetest, and all that my heart desires,
but after almost 4 years I now know
that that “happiness” does not affect our being together.
it would otherwise have happened a long time ago, that is clear,
or do you still not know what to love,
and are you, just like me, searching for ways and words,
is there still that lack in you?
you dreamed of me and her last night
that we were living together,
which means that she is still alive in you,
and you cannot give us both a place.
you are sometimes stubborn and absent,
sometimes evenings, out of reach for me.
Yet I think he would be with her, making
love, wild and free.
I know it is “you and me”, a bizarre thing,
dealing as friends, with that little bit more,
but also right Not that little bit that makes us a couple,
and despite everything, it hurts me.
yes, despite your silence, and your weird behavior,
your “disappearing” suddenly, and your distance towards me,
your moody moods, and unreasonable reasoning,
I know I have no place whatever I do.
sometimes I thought
better that I would disappear,
and continue my way happily and freely,
but then a gift will come from you, so fine
that it is difficult for me to flee, and the result will remain.
you know me better than anyone else,
and I know you, with your whims and cures,
yet we are bound as brother and sister,
and we cannot send each other away completely.
does anyone know what this could be,
why this “weird” dealing with each other,
why together, and yet separately,
why don’t we come home completely together?
does anyone have an answer for both of us,
because I am tired of thinking all the time
that I was trying to explain it, was in
pain, tears, distrust and envy.