S394. I now realize that there has been little room for love in my life

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My heart rages like lightning, I am thrown from left to right in this bizarre Rollercoaster. everything pitch black, tears inside, unimaginable how much. My gut feeling is indescribable and seriously crawls to my toes and back to my head, every second. Is in a small cage, chained, everything hurts so much, why does this happen to me !! This boy who gets up positively every morning for a new day. Always helping, listening, always with good courage and energy to go against it again, now I hear the birds no longer whistle, nature can no longer smell. Why does this have to happen to me !! Heartbreaking, a lot of pain because I know this is true, I cannot let it go, I cannot do it at all I now realize that in my life there has been little room for love, for the most part due to myself, always searching for inner happiness, inner happiness what is that !!! ??? Understand each other without words !!! It’s not so much about the intimate and then broadly speaking, that would surely come if a relationship feels good. I felt it !!! A soulmate, soulmate. When a few weeks ago I took the first steps in a hike with someone I don’t know at all, after the first second, the first letter, what a warm blanket, oh how I would have liked to have walked with her for 24 hours, it felt so free , so calm, so calm, this is what I am looking for, my soulmate, my missing big part in my life, found and yet has to let go, Because there is no other way, my destiny for life My feeling. ??? Understand each other without words !!! It’s not so much about the intimate and then broadly speaking, that would surely come if a relationship feels good. I felt it !!! A soulmate, soulmate. When a few weeks ago I took the first steps in a hike with someone I don’t know at all, after the first second, the first letter, what a warm blanket, oh how I would have liked to have walked with her for 24 hours, it felt so free , so calm, so calm, this is what I am looking for, my soulmate, my missing big part in my life, found and yet has to let go, Because there is no other way, my destiny for life My feeling. ??? Understand each other without words !!! It’s not so much about the intimate and then broadly speaking, that would surely come if a relationship feels good. I felt it !!! A soulmate, soulmate. When a few weeks ago I took the first steps in a hike with someone I don’t know at all, after the first second, the first letter, what a warm blanket, oh how I would have liked to have walked with her for 24 hours, it felt so free , so calm, so calm, this is what I am looking for, my soulmate, my missing big part in my life, found and yet has to let go, Because there is no other way, my destiny for life My feeling.