S388. Return to the ‘core’; it has brought me closer to myself


One day in May, I meet a man at an end event who came walking next to me and introduced himself. I looked into his brown eyes and knew immediately. It is he … His body was like mine and his openness reminded me of myself. We went into a cafe. He continued to look at me for a moment and when I motioned to him with my eyes he came to stand with me. I immediately felt a connection. Some more people came to stand by us and, strangely enough, that immediately made me jealous and although the conversation went well, my feeling grew that I wanted to be close to him. I touched him for a moment and saw how he recoiled. As time went on, he said he was going home. I said that I would walk with him and touched him again. This confused him and he smiled and offered me his arm. Geared we walked outside while others walked along. Halfway through he asked for my phone number, somewhat nervous.
This man was not my type but I could not refuse him and gave it. While we went to the trains I picked my train. We ended up on the platform together. After talking a bit together and he sat closer to me. He also said he wanted to meet. He kissed me three times, the last of which. Landed on my mouth. I felt his kiss burn. A bit confused we said goodbye. Later he told me that the feeling was there immediately and also the enormous attraction.

Once home, life just went on and I sat and sat with a man at home who had ended up in a midlife crisis and sought refuge somewhere else. The man’s first sms arrived at the right time. He was so happy that he had met me. I think he was a great person. The words made me smile although I remained fairly sober.

Although it was short and we only met three times. He walked and walked for days as a shadow. He has the same interests and the feeling is very intense when I was with him. Being able to talk together but also be quiet. I felt immensely free with him. They were also busy with the same things in life. I only afterwards realized how deep this feeling is.

My partner was not concerned with me at first. He was only fleeing. I told him afterwards but not from a soul love he would not understand.

Obstacles: In very deep love you always feel fear. At first he wanted to, but I didn’t dare. Appointment while I am still married feels like betrayal. After a while he gave up. I felt that he did not want to go but the mind will speak. The distance between our homes is great and our lives are different.

We felt physically, mentally and also spiritually attracted to each other, I think. But it was early and I was having trouble with my current situation and I really wanted to be there for him. For his part, I know something was stopping him from going all the way. He stopped himself.

We have a relationship at a distance. I feel it with me. But I’m not looking for contact. We have said that we must work on ourselves. My situation in particular is very difficult with a family that needs my attention. And he has a tough job that requires time and attention.

The soul love that I felt and still feels gives me a different view of life and how I interact with people. I feel a lot of heat unity bliss. I do not rule out reunification when the time comes.

I felt so at home. And the first kiss was overwhelming. In addition, a very special warmth lingered around it. Although I rarely spoke and saw him, the energy was there and still there.

Eroticism: I knew that if I went all the way for it, I would lose myself. I don’t need eroticism to know how wonderful it is to him. I already know that. And yes, it is very different from other relationships. I know this I am this myself.

For me, the soul-loving feeling is: Returning to the core. So intense so warm and penetrating and so frighteningly fine.

I feel that we both still need time to develop so that we can continue in friendship or in love. I think a lot about him, but I realize that it is love that is in me. I am him and he is me. I looked in a mirror.

This love was the love for myself. I am everything I am looking for.

This experience was so beautiful but also heartbreaking. It has brought me closer to myself and made me realize what kind of magic there is around us.