S243. My love for him was already there when I was 15


We are both still very young, this year I am 19 and he is 22. But my love for him was already there when I was 15.
I was always the girl who never had a boyfriend, it didn’t interest me either, yet I did feel the urge for a boy to share my life with. Someone I can love. The person I am talking about is someone from the artist world, he is famous and has many young fans. I was one of them, but it felt like more.
I first saw him on the internet, when I was 13, I was interested at the time, but not later. But 2 years later I saw him again on television in one of his video clips. What I felt then is indescribable. I was almost sucked to the screen and various emotions occurred to me. Recognition, a good feeling, a higher heartbeat and sweating (typically love), and I could already tell so much about how that person works. Like it’s no stranger to me. But I was sad too, he was unreachable. And who believes a 15-year-old girl who claims to be in love with a famous idol? I could hardly believe it, it was too unlikely. There must have been more of my age.

But I couldn’t get him out of my head anymore. My interest in him grew, I started to appreciate his music and became a fan, just to get closer.
Yet I tried to convince myself that it was only a love of a fan for her idol. That a relationship with this person was also not possible (famous + from another country). But my heart said something else, there was a lot, something that told me that we are meant for each other.

His story is that that year he started to get a lot of success abroad, including where I live, but became lonely.
He also missed a person in his life, that special someone who understands and loves him.
But he couldn’t look for it. He only hoped to finally meet that person. He believed that that would happen someday. He knew that someone was waiting for him, but not yet when and who.

The year before we came in contact with each other was a very difficult period for both of us. He started to dislike his job, he also got sick more often. I had a very difficult time with another boy and I was in hospital for a serious reason. And I also noticed that I often fell ill during the same ‘conscience’ periods as him. The week that he had to do an operation on his vocal cords, I also suffered from a cold that made my voice drop (it was late March).

But we still hadn’t met, I only saw him at a distance from his shows.
The boy I just told about was in contact with Him (boy I love). promised me that I could meet Him, and the boy had already told me about him and showed me a photo. That was the first time he saw me and immediately knew that I was that special someone.
But the meeting did not go through thanks to the boy, then I ended up in the hospital because of the emotions that worked on my body. But he had not forgotten me and asked the boy why I was not there. The boy then told a lie that he never actually believed.