S180. I learn a lot about myself, about how to live a better life. About how I can feel love. I find energy again


It all started with a ticket. One day I had the feeling that I had to send a former high school teacher a card to let him know that everything was going well and that I could really appreciate his support back then. He sent back a ticket and so it seemed nice to meet us once.
We met at his home in the Tilburg area. The beginning was a bit awkward, but there was so much to tell right away. We drank tea and had intellectual conversations. At a certain moment he had the idea of ​​driving me back to Antwerp, where I live, and to have something to eat there. From then on we were leaving. An incredibly intense but very loving energy arose between us, we kept talking, we held each other’s hands, we held each other … It felt so warm and familiar. He said we are on the same wavelength.
Earlier, when he was still my teacher, I already had this intense warm feeling. I didn’t know what it was, I thought it was strange. I dreamed of falling asleep in his arms and never waking up again. He meant a lot to me at the time, but one day he had to distance myself from me. I had to stand on my own two feet. That hurt. I was so happy that I found him again.

From the beginning I told my partner what I feel. He accepts it, does not see it as a competition. He helps me with the processing, giving it a place. I realize that it is very special that someone gives you this space …

The feeling was pure and pure. Absolutely far away from earthly love. Love is in the heart and only there, not in my stomach. I don’t feel butterflies in my stomach, but a very warm heart.
After our meeting I was convinced that we would see each other again soon, but unfortunately that was not the case. I could no longer reach my former teacher. I told him what I felt by writing a letter. He replied that he thought it was very beautiful, beautiful. He would write back, but that didn’t happen. I waited for his answer, for any sign from him. On the phone he said it was too intense to meet in the short term. I felt broken, but I kept hope. I kept waiting for an answer and I felt torn deep inside. Every day that I didn’t hear from him, it was as if I crashed myself. Bloody, full of bruises. I was dying, hardly eating anymore. I just wanted to sleep, because when I slept he was close to me. At some point I started writing,
One day I couldn’t wait any longer. I wanted to know what he had to say. I know he had something to say. I called. It was a difficult and clumsy conversation, but from then on, when he explained to me that we are probably soulmates, maybe even twinflames, I could go on. I am not familiar with these terms, I started to read about it. For him, he is 25 years older than me, 53 years, it is perhaps a bit clearer. He may have assumed that I knew what soul relationship was. A new world opens up for me.
I miss him less now, I feel him close to me without him having to be with me. I want him to be very happy. I feel so much energy and warmth in me. The people around me tell them I beam. It seems like I am getting along better with people …

He was my high school teacher, but he also assisted me there when I didn’t understand the world anymore. At the time I felt like an alien, not understood. He dared to give me some comfort. Sometimes he just let me work in his room. He then continued to work on his own duties and I did my homework. He did not need to say or do anything else, being with him was enough. At one point he had to distance himself from me. He could not help me further, I had to do it alone now. That hurt a lot, but I had to and I succeeded.

Now he is frightened by the intensity, while I am able to fly into this friendship.
Our rhythms of life are so different. Apart from our age difference, he is very fond of his rest, while I cannot get enough of certain moments. He is much concerned with spirituality while for me science is my religion. We are very different and again not. It’s confusing.

We don’t want a love affair. That would not work. There is a big difference in age and rhythm of life. Moreover, it would be stifling, I think … It would be too much of a good thing. Compare it with an evening walk: drinking an evening pints is often no problem, but drinking a whiskey all evening… It would be too much of a good thing. We would literally hug each other to death.

We see each other occasionally. He first lets me put everything in its place and he is undoubtedly doing it. He is much more familiar in the world of spirituality, but he also believes that I should look for it myself, he doesn’t want to impose anything on me.
We will meet again soon. He has made a CD for me and I have written a book for him.

Time has yet to learn what it has brought me. But a lot has happened in the last few months since the meeting! I have gained momentum. I learn a lot about myself, about how to live a better life. About how I can feel love. I find energy back, I am still searching where I can express it. I have not yet found a way to express my talents well. I have studied a lot, 3 diplomas, but I have not been able to find a good job that suits me. I can’t even bother with everything I feel in me. It will come for sure? I feel less lonely.

What I found most special was that we talked for twelve hours at a time and we were not finished talking. We held hands for hours. It felt so warm, so pure.

Erotic does not apply. We fell asleep in each other’s arms on the couch.
I don’t think I could experience eroticism with him. what I feel far exceeds that.